


Problem Child

by Deonara2012



Series: Visions of the Past, Memories of the Future [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Gen, Pre-Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-15 02:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 36,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5767987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deonara2012/pseuds/Deonara2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Qui-Gon Jinn wasn't Obi-Wan Kenobi's first Master?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "My Eyes Had no More Tears to Cry" - 98 Degrees, My Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with George Lucas or Star Wars. I have borrowed some people and a lot of the world created by Dave Wolverton and Jude Watson from the Jedi Apprentice books, but they are not mine. I am making no money off of this.
> 
> Writer's Note: This started as a random idea, I don't even know where I got it. I realized at some point that another fic I was working on dovetailed nicely into it - that is book two. If I get it written, there might even be a book three.
> 
> Writer's Note 2: I can't believe I forgot! Many, many thanks to Jovieve for beta reading this, and for helping me to fix all the problems I didn't even know existed. You are awsome. Thanks.

Obi-Wan Kenobi stood before the Jedi Council, listening as his third Master in two years told them he could not be trained. Master Toman's voice was regretful, quiet, a tone Obi-Wan had not heard from him in a long time, and it echoed slightly in the round room. He was silent, his eyes on the floor but not even trying to find patterns in the tile below his feet, fighting the feelings that welled up in him. He couldn't give in, not yet, so he fought to keep the Force around him calm. He knew he failed. He seemed to fail at everything lately.

He could tell when the Council stopped listening to Master Toman and turned their attention to him. Their eyes bored holes into his soul.

"What have you to say?" Yoda asked, his voice carefully neutral.

Obi-Wan shook his head without looking up and nearly lost his balance. It would make no difference if he said anything, and might well make it worse; it had the last two times. It was definitely better to remain quiet. Besides, the less he said, the sooner he could get the cold pack from his room to try to help his knee. He clamped down heavily on the ache to strengthen his stance at least a while longer.

"Thank you, Master Toman," Mace Windu said. "Obi-Wan, that will be all."

He bowed and turned to leave without looking up, trying to hide how relieved he was and knowing he'd failed in that too. He managed to get out of the room without limping, and as soon as the doors closed behind him he fled, ignoring the pain in his knee and the surprised and disapproving looks from the Knights as he ran past them. He wound up in a small, little-known garden spot in the temple, one that Bant had found and shared with him, nestled in a corner of the thirty-second floor. It consisted of a tree and a small pool just big enough for her to wade in. A bench sat next to the pool, and to one side was a small grassy spot perfect for meditation. He was nearly staggering by the time he reached the little garden, and limping heavily. He stopped, wavering, then leaned against the tree and slid down it to catch his breath and to try to get himself in control, one knee pulled up to his chest, his injured leg stretched out in front of him. Before long, he had fallen into a half doze that even the rumbling of his stomach did nothing to break.

"I wondered where you'd gone."

The voice was calm, even gentle, and unexpected. Obi-Wan raised his eyes only far enough to see that it was a Knight, at least, who addressed him. It took a minute for that to get through the haze in his mind, and as soon as it did, he started to get up. It was no good; he'd been worked hard that morning, then his Master - former Master, now - had told him that the Council was waiting to see him. There had been no time to cool down, no time to tend to his knee at all. He'd barely had time to change into a fresh tunic, noting in passing that his few belongings had been gone through again. He'd been glad he'd thought to hide his mother's bracelet better this time, and had tucked it into an inside pocket of his tunic. He didn't want to have to track it down again.

He tried again to get to his feet, and this time a large hand closed on his elbow, giving him much needed support. "I'm sorry, sir," he said softly, once he was on his feet. "Usually I…." He stopped as he felt the Force whisper around his body. Trembling slightly, he closed his eyes and braced himself for the mental invasion.

"When was the last time you visited the healers?"

His eyes shot open in surprise and some panic to see someone he didn't know, catching a glimpse of long dark hair and a face with a broken nose before he dropped them immediately, even more sure of a mental invasion in spite of the kindness in the stranger's dark eyes. "I'm fine. Really."

The hand on his arm let him go, and the Jedi Knight stepped back, out of his way. "Very well, then. Return to your quarters."

Obi-Wan bowed slightly, gathered what composure and strength he had left, and strode from the garden. Once in the hallway, away from the Knight, he slowed and let himself limp as he made his way to his quarters, taking the lift in spite of disapproving looks from a couple of Knights who left the one he boarded. In the two years he'd been Padawan, under three different Masters, he'd been told to remain in his quarters in the student's wing. He'd been forced to watch others, many of them friends, move to the shared quarters as they were chosen and hide how disappointed and frustrated he was with it. He had finally quit caring. Or so he told himself.

"Obi-Wan?"

He looked up and smiled shyly at his dearest friend. "Hi, Bant."

"Are you okay?" The Mon Calamari girl looked worried.

He shrugged as she fell into step beside him. "Yeah, I guess. Why?" He didn't tell her he wasn't feeling well, and even a little light-headed. He hadn't eaten since breakfast; that had been light and under Toman's scornful eye. He didn't know how long he'd been in the corner garden. He could definitely use a drink of water, too, but that would have to wait until he got back to his quarters. They weren't far, now. He was also looking forward to a nap; as far as he knew, he finally had nowhere to be. It was almost a relief.

"They said you were called before the council," she said softly.

Obi-Wan sighed, not so surprised the news had gone around the Temple already. Master Toman hadn't been quiet about telling him of his summons. "Yes. Toman has repudiated me. I'm not his Padawan any longer." He still didn't really believe it. Even saying the words out loud didn't make it real. He wondered if it was because Master Toman had kept him for a year, longer than the other two. He wondered if it would ever sink in. It hadn't been real the last two times, either. He couldn't remember when it had sunk in then, or even if it had. Both Master Denk and Master Toman had chosen him so quickly afterward that it was almost as if he hadn't ever been repudiated at all.

Bant walked along silently beside him. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "What will you do now?"

"I don't know. I was told to return to my quarters." He paused at his door and managed a smile that he hoped didn't look as fake as it felt. Bant deserved better than that. "So I did. Until later." One good thing about being on the initiate floor instead of the wing with his Masters was that Bant hadn't left yet. When she did, he didn't know what he'd do. He'd certainly care that he was still there then.

"Want to meet for dinner?" she asked.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'll see you then."

Obi-Wan closed the door and leaned against it, fighting the spots that swam before his eyes. He needed to get to his bed and sleep; that would help him feel better. And Bant would wake him up when he didn't meet her for dinner, if he slept that long. He took a step toward the bed and everything went black.


	2. "I Don't Think I've Ever Seen a Soul So in Despair" - Del Amitri, Roll to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon Jinn gets a new assignment.

"I found him leaning against the tree in the Corner Garden," Qui-Gon reported calmly. The Council had summoned Obi-Wan to meet with them concerning his third repudiation. When he hadn't answered, and when it had been discovered he was not in his quarters, various Knights had been sent to find him. Those Knights stood around the perimeter of the room, behind the Council members. Behind Adi Gallia stood a female Foilani he didn't know. He noticed her because she looked angry, and yet he could not feel her anger in the Force. Maybe she always looked like that. "He did not notice me until I spoke." He paused a little before going on, pushing the Foilani Knight from his head.

"All is not as it seems," he said finally.

"What mean you?" Yoda asked.

"The boy was so weak he couldn't get up." He paused, staring blankly out the large windows, reviewing the scene in his mind. "He is injured and wary. He looked like he'd been stepped on. Not literally, of course," he added. "He would not go to the Healers, although he needed to. And there was a feeling..."

The Council watched him quietly as he gathered his thoughts. The look of hopelessness and pain in the boy's blue-grey eyes had certainly struck him as odd, especially if he were as rebellious as Toman had said. "He was too thin," he said finally.

Yoda watched him narrowly. "More to say, you have," he said.

"I don't think the boy is the only one at fault," Qui-Gon admitted. "But I have no proof right now that such is the case. His relief and other feelings hid his despair, and I have never felt that kind of despair from an Initiate. His control of the Force is no better than an eight-year-old's, but it must have been better once, or he would not have been chosen." The Foilani he'd noticed shifted slightly, and her frown deepened.

"Notice this, we did," Yoda said softly.

"We're not so sure the fault doesn't lie entirely with Obi-Wan," Mace continued after a short pause. "His friends have found him aloof, and even cold."

Qui-Gon nodded. He didn't agree with them, which was nothing new, but he didn't have enough information to refute their judgment, and he could not have said why it mattered.

"Since found him you have," Yoda said, "continue this investigation you must."

It took him by surprise, but he nodded, wondering if he only imagined the gleam in the Master's eyes. "Yes, Master Yoda. Of course." The Foilani's frown deepened even further.

He left the council room alone. He didn't go straight to Obi-Wan's quarters, didn't want the boy to feel like he was checking on him, so he went into the food hall to find out for himself who the boy's friends were, by observation. He felt he could not trust Obi-Wan's former Master, and although the feeling surprised him, he did not doubt the Force.

To his surprise, however, he did not see the boy among the students at dinner. He wondered if he'd missed him, and began asking around to find out who Obi-Wan's friends had been. It took most of the meal, moving among the students, before he found Bant, a small, Mon Calamari girl who was only picking at her food. He sat down in the empty place across from her. Her eyes shot up, firm and almost angry, but they softened and she flushed slightly when she recognized him. "You were saving this seat," he said gently.

"It's Obi-Wan's," she said. "He won't be down tonight, but I wanted to pretend he was there."

Qui-Gon leaned forward. "Why won't he be down?" He was almost afraid of what she had to say, hoping that the boy hadn't taken his words to mean he should stay in his quarters until called for.

"We were supposed to meet for dinner," she said, and that eased his mind a little. "But when he didn't meet me, I went to get him. He looked tired when we'd made those plans, and I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep." She swallowed, and a miserable look crossed her face. "When I got to his room, he didn't answer, so I went in. He was..." She hesitated, and Qui-Gon waited in silence. "I couldn't wake him up," she said finally. "It looked like he'd fallen just inside his room. So I called the Healers, and he's there, now. I don't know when they'll release

him."

Qui-Gon did not quite manage to hide his dismay. He'd known the boy wasn't well, and should have insisted that he go to the Healers. There was nothing he could do about it now. "I understand you and he are friends," he said quietly, determined to continue gathering information.

"We have known each other a long time," she said, and smiled shyly at him. "He is one of my closest friends."

"Have you noticed a difference in him?"

She paused, and then nodded slowly. "He has been distant," she said, "but he told me once that it was not because he was not my friend."

Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow. "What did he mean?"

"I don't know. But he has not been happy for a long time." She finally set her fork down, giving up entirely on eating.

"Thank you," he said gently to her. "I may need to speak to you again."

She nodded, looking so miserable and lost that he wished he could help her. Instead, he got up and left the food hall. He simply could not still the feeling that something had gone horribly wrong, that somehow, the Jedi had failed this boy. He did not like it.

He strode through the Temple purposefully, keeping his thoughts calm. The boy's mind had been full of spikes when he'd tried to touch it, and he did not wish to force his presence where it was obviously not wanted. Obi-Wan had wanted to keep someone out of his head. Even if he didn't know how to do that.

Theela, one of the Healers, met him at the door. "You are here to see young Kenobi," she said.

"Yes," he said. "What is wrong with him?"

She looked almost angry. "He was dehydrated and malnourished. His knee should not have been walked on; it has been twisted and may not heal well." She glanced at Qui-Gon, eyes narrowed. "We find humans too thin as it is," she said carefully. He nodded, aware of the feelings of the Hjem. They were a large people, and even Qui-Gon, one of the largest of the human Jedi, was considered a runt. Theela towered nearly a foot over him. Were he a Hjem, Obi-Wan would probably not be allowed to live. "Even for a human, he is thin. Master Carina says he's growing, and many boys his age look like that, but she also agreed that he was too thin." Theela fixed her eyes on him sternly. "You may see him," she said. "Be careful."

He nodded and followed her into the side room where Obi-Wan lay. He was still, covered lightly and sleeping, but from the feel of the Force in the room, the Healers were keeping him asleep. He glanced at Theela, questioning.

"When he woke up," Theela said, "he panicked. We could not reason with him."

That made sense. His comment about going to see the Healers had not gone over well with the boy, either, and he remembered that panic had indeed been in the Force around him. He moved further into the room, looking closer. The boy's hair was brown, with a faint red tint that became more obvious in his braid. His face was thin, almost sunken in, and Qui-Gon wondered, with a grimace of anger, the last time he'd been allowed to eat until he was full.

"Good that you are here," Yoda said behind him, and he turned to see the Council Member hovering in his float chair in the doorway. "Take the boy, you must."

"Take him where?" Qui-Gon asked, startled.

"From the Temple he must go, where it does not matter. Find his center, he must. Help him, you can."

Still confused, Qui-Gon nodded. "I will arrange it immediately."

Padawan he did not have, Qui-Gon thought as he quickly and carefully folded the boy's meager belongings and packed them in the travel bag he'd found with the clothes. His lips twisted slightly as he realized his phrasing, but they straightened again as his thoughts continued. It was a relief to him; he did not want another Padawan. But he did not know about teaching when there was no bond involved. That it was done was obvious - it was done in the Temple every day - but he did not know if he were the right one for the job. Yoda obviously believed so, and Qui-Gon shook his head. There was no telling what Yoda really thought, especially with that suspicious gleam in his eye. He was just glad he knew a place to take the boy, and that it was available right now.

He was on his way to the transport to meet his student and be on his way when he passed the female Foilani Knight again, the one that had looked so angry when he'd been reporting what he'd found. She nodded as he passed, but he couldn't stifle the shiver that traveled his spine as he walked away from her. Before he rounded the corner to the transport bay, he glanced back. She was staring after him, eyes narrowed, anger on her thin face.


	3. "I Can't Run Away" - Amber, This is Your Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan finds out what's in store for him, and Qui-Gon gets a glimpse of what was done to him.

Obi-Wan woke slowly, feeling the Force that had slammed into his mind retreating, controlling how fast he woke up. It was irritating, but as no one seemed to be watching him, he took the time to look around.

The room was bare, the furniture simple, wooden and well made. A dresser leaned against the wall across from the window, and a chair sat in the corner near the window. The walls were painted off-white, which meant he wasn't in the Healer's wing, and a large window let in sunlight. It splashed across his bed, illuminating the homespun blanket that covered him. Carefully, he sat up, and then threw the blanket off and stood, wincing a little at the chill of the hard wood floor. He felt a little better, certainly, and wondered how long he'd slept and how long that feeling would last. Then he remembered with a shock he was no longer Master Toman's Padawan, and so he could not be on a mission. His hand reached up automatically, and he had to look - his braid was still there.

An odor hit his nose and his stomach rumbled, reminding him that it had been a long time since he'd eaten. Cautiously, he padded barefoot to the door and slipped through, leaving it ajar so that there would be less noise. The short hallway was dim, opening into a cozy room with a pale cream couch, a small dark wood table, and a white rug that seemed to glow with the sunlight that hit it from what must have been a skylight. Beyond the couch, on the same wall as the window, was a solid door that seemed to lead outside. He ventured forward, noting large windows that revealed a groomed lawn bordered by a thick forest, and the fireplace in the wall next to the hallway he'd just left. He stepped onto the rug and smothered a gasp; it was inviting as it looked, thick and soft and warmed by the sun. He hadn't even noticed his feet were cold. He stood there for a minute, letting them warm up again, closing his eyes to enjoy the sunlight even more.

"I was just coming to wake you."

Obi-Wan had backed off the rug, nearly to the hall, almost before he realized he was moving. The voice was familiar, but he couldn't place it. He was just glad it wasn't Master Toman; he wouldn't have been so kind.

"Come on in. It's dinner time."

Obi-Wan watched the man walk away, wondering where he was going. He realized that the man was Jedi from his clothes just as he opened a door Obi-Wan hadn't seen in his initial overview of the room, in the opposite wall from the main door. Still a little hesitant, Obi-Wan followed, pausing in the doorway uncertainly. The kitchen was small, a table shoved against the wall opposite the stove, and another door led outside just beyond it. The table was set for two, and soon a large pot was set between the bowls. Obi-Wan's stomach rumbled again.

"Please. Sit down."

He jumped, startled, and then moved to sit at the table. A full bowl was set before him, a glass of milk at his right hand. The stew was hot and filling, all the better because he did not feel Master Toman's eyes on him, judging, weighing. His bowl was empty almost too soon.

The Jedi laughed. "Theela said you'd be hungry," he said. "I hope there's enough." Obi-Wan's bowl was taken away, but before he could move, before the familiar despair could fill his mind, the bowl was set down again, full.

He glanced up, startled, to see the Jedi he'd caught a glimpse of in the Corner Garden, the one who'd found him after the fiasco with his Master in front of the Council. "Thank you," he said softly.

"You're welcome."

It took a third bowl before he felt comfortably full. The dishes were whisked away to soak, and then he was invited to follow the Jedi to the main room. Obi-Wan settled on the rug; most of the sun was gone, but the warmth wasn't so he buried his chilled feet into the rug again. The Jedi sighed.

"Obi-Wan, look at me."

The request surprised him. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet the other man's. "Thank you." He smiled gently. "I much prefer seeing your face to the top of your head.

"My name is Qui-Gon Jinn. The Council sent you here with me…."

Obi-Wan jerked his eyes away, trying to hide the tears that filled them, unable to hide the despair that filled his mind. That was why he still had his braid, it must be. He recognized the name, if not the man himself. They'd given him yet another Master. Someone else to…

There was a hand on his shoulder. He hadn't even heard the Knight move. "Obi-Wan, listen to me." The voice was kind, at least. But Master Toman's had been, too, and Master Sorin's and Master Denk's, at the beginning. The hand on his shoulder tightened, and he braced his mind for the attack that would get past his feeble defenses.

"The Council is worried about you."

"Why?" he asked, still braced, still wary.

"You have lost much of your skill with the Force," Qui-Gon said gently. "I am here to help you find it again. I am not your Master. I am merely a teacher."

"Yes, sir." It was an automatic response, given because it seemed to be expected. The relief he felt was almost overpowering, and now that the panic was gone, he could think again. Of course Master Jinn wasn't his Master, he thought angrily. Everyone in the Temple knew he didn't want another Padawan after he'd returned without his last one. The grip on his shoulder loosened, and Obi-Wan turned to watch the big man settle down on the edge of the rug. He reached into a pocket and pulled out something that drained the blood from Obi-Wan's face. He could only stare at the thin silver bracelet in dismay and shock. "This fell out of your pocket when we were putting you on the transport." The Master held it out, and Obi-Wan reached for it hesitantly, nearly dying inside, waiting for it to be snatched out of reach. To his surprise, his fingers closed around it, and then Qui-Gon let it go. "Was it your mother's?"

Obi-Wan tucked it back into the inner pocket of his tunic without answering, and then folded his hands in his lap and stared at them. Why hadn't he taken it and sold it for credits, like his other Masters had? He would have had no chance of finding it again here, wherever here was.

Qui-Gon's next words interrupted Obi-Wan's thoughts. "Our training schedule will be light for the next two weeks," he said, and it was as if he had never seen the bracelet. "Theela told me you have a knee injury, and that it needed at least two weeks to heal."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened and he rubbed at his knee. It had not ached since he'd woken up. He'd forgotten all about it.

"During that time," Qui-Gon went on, "you will eat as much as you need to. You're frightfully thin, even for a human, Theela told me." He paused and took a deep breath, and Obi-Wan wondered if he'd imagined the smirk in the Jedi's voice. "She also said you were exhausted. The goal is to bring you back to health first, and we'll worry about the rest later. Don't hesitate to speak up if you need something, whether it's more food, rest, or sleep."

Obi-Wan nodded his agreement, sure that even if he did, his requests would be ignored. Still, the acknowledgment had seemed expected.

"One last thing." Qui-Gon paused, looking steadily at him, and Obi-Wan stiffened slightly, feeling the Jedi's eyes on him, almost afraid of what he was going to say. "Theela said your mind was practically raw."

Obi-Wan was on his feet and heading for his room and the window there when the air around him thickened. It brought him to a halt, much easier than some of the methods Master Toman had used, but that made it no easier to handle. He trembled, sure now that he would once again lose control of his mind and his body. If only he could have gotten out, gotten away so this wouldn't be asked of him.

Qui-Gon moved to stand in front of him. "Your former Master was harsh," he said gently. "It is a misuse of the training bond. That is one of the most important reasons I am your teacher. One more bond before you have healed would destroy you utterly." He reached out and ran a rough, calloused hand over Obi-Wan's head, fingering the Padawan braid he still wore. Obi-Wan couldn't help it; he cringed, fighting the pain that was only in his memory. Master Sorin had nearly ripped his braid out by the roots more than once. More than half of those times, he was unable to move, like now.

Qui-Gon dropped it suddenly, moving back. "I will not initiate any mind contact," he said, still as gentle as before. "Most of what we will be covering you already know. If there is something you don't understand, contact will be limited to what you need to know."

The Force-thickened air around him eased slowly. Obi-Wan had barely heard the Jedi Master's last words, pushing to break free. As soon as he could, he broke from it and fled, through the kitchen and out the back door, afraid that the words the Jedi was speaking were lies, more lies. He just needed to get away. The steps outside the kitchen door surprised him and he fell down them, swallowing a cry as his knee twisted again. He tried to get to his feet, wanting to get into the forest and lose himself there, but his knee wouldn't hold him. Finally, he gave up and relaxed as much as he ever did, looking up at the twilight sky he never expected to see again. At least, not without glass between it and him.

Qui-Gon found him there a few minutes later and wordlessly helped him up. Once inside, the Jedi handed him a cold pack, wrapped in a towel. Obi-Wan took it, hissing at the pressure on his knee, focusing on easing the pain. It was much better than wondering what this Jedi could possibly want from a screw-up Padawan to make him so nice. When he looked at him, Qui-Gon sat in the place he'd taken at dinner, eyes closed, and Obi-Wan guessed he was meditating. Taking a deep breath, he did the same thing.

At least, he tried. His thoughts were scattered, and the fear that had become part of his daily life would not go away. Defeated yet again, he opened his eyes. He was surprised to see Qui-Gon looking at him, and his eyes dropped reflexively.

"Don't look as if there were no hope," the larger man said gently. "There is always hope, always a way back, if you choose to take it." He stood. "It's probably best that you don't walk on that, at least tonight. I can help you to your bed, if you'd like."

It was going to drive him insane. He could deal with curses, the occasional blow, the block between himself and his master, but kindness - extended kindness - was foreign to him. The last two years had nearly blocked out all memory of the years he'd lived before them. Sometimes, he wondered if it were a dream. He looked up at Qui-Gon's patient face and nodded, almost afraid of what new tricks would be played on him this time. But he arrived at his sleep couch without incident, and once the door was closed, he collapsed into it and slept.


	4. "This Shattered Dream You Cannot Justify" - Pat Benetar, Invincible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon deals with trying to find a way to reach Obi-Wan

Qui-Gon returned to the main room and sank down on the couch, trying to breathe his way through his fury. Slowly, far too slowly, it ebbed, leaving him exhausted. The boy was terrified. Terrified of him and of everything he represented as a Jedi Master. That awful feeling that the Jedi had failed this boy filled him again, and he had to concentrate to let it go.

He relaxed, his eyes slipping closed as he documented every flash of fear he'd gotten from Obi-Wan through the day. It was staggering, the number of things that could set the boy off in panic or fear, and there were a few he didn't understand. The boy's pain when he'd touched the braid and his definite relief when he found out Qui-Gon was not his Master were both perplexing. The bracelet had evoked strong feelings as well, none of them good. Qui-Gon scowled faintly. He'd have to move slower than he'd originally thought. He retired to his room to report to the Council, and then went to bed.

The morning dawned into his eyes. That was one reason he'd given Obi-Wan the other room; he hoped the boy would sleep as long as he needed to. Qui-Gon got up and knelt in the middle of the floor to meditate on what the Council had said. "Your heart you must follow," Yoda had said. Well, his heart was so twisted up at what had been done to the boy, he was a little wary of it. So, with a deep breath, he set about calming himself.

When he emerged from his room to start breakfast, he found Obi-Wan stretched out on his back on the rug in the main room. He was asleep, the haunted expression on his face eased, showing just how young he really was. He couldn't be more than twelve or thirteen, which meant he'd been apprenticed quite young. Qui-Gon stepped past him to the kitchen, but something caught his eye and he turned back to get a closer look. The boy's under-tunic had ridden up some, exposing a burn across his stomach just above his pants. It was old, maybe two or three weeks, not bad enough to scar. Still, he wondered how a burn - a lightsaber burn, by the shape of it - had caught him there. He turned away to start breakfast with one more question weighing on his mind.

Obi-Wan limped in before it was quite done, a grimace of pain on his face. "May I have a cold pack again?" he asked timidly.

"Of course. Sit down."

As soon as he was seated, Qui-Gon gave him the cold pack then fed him. The boy ate ravenously, like a starving animal, but Qui-Gon said nothing. Theela had said Obi-Wan had been malnourished.

When they finished, Qui-Gon helped his student into the main room, sitting him on the couch and propping up his leg. He sat on the chair to his side, and his hand brushed his own lightsaber. It gave him an idea. "Obi-Wan," he said. "May I see your lightsaber?"

The boy handed it over far too quickly, his expression blank. It was not hard, with the Force, to see that he didn't like it. It was serviceable, but uncomfortable in his hand. Qui-Gon tried various holds, growing more and more frustrated before he'd even activated it. He wouldn't want to use this. Hadn't the boy's Master helped him make it comfortable?

"Do you like it?" he asked after a few pointless moments of trying to make it comfortable.

Obi-Wan hesitated. He didn't look up, but he eventually spoke. "No."

"What do you dislike most?"

"It hurts my hands," he said in a low voice. "And I had to make it to Master Toman's specifications."

Qui-Gon set the lightsaber down. "How so?" he asked quietly, hiding how much more frustrating this was. The picture he was getting from his student was not one he really wanted to see. It only increased the feeling that the Jedi had somehow failed him.

"He told me how it should be made." His voice was flat, unemotional.

Qui-Gon fought to keep his voice steady. He would find out what had been done to this boy and why. "Would you like to start over?"

Obi-Wan was startled, glancing at him in surprise. "Why?"

"It's your lightsaber," he said quietly. "It should feel comfortable in your hand, and you just said it hurt. Your lightsaber is something you should want to keep with you. We can cannibalize this one, or start with fresh components."

"Fresh. Please."

He had guessed - and hoped - that the boy would feel that way. He had one more piece of proof. "Good. The kitchen table should be big enough. You can get started this morning. How's your knee?"

"It hurts."

Qui-Gon leaned forward to catch his eyes. "How does a Jedi handle pain?"

"Accepts it," Obi-Wan said softly, and then the pain that had lined his eyes eased.

"I'll help you into the kitchen, and we'll set up shop."

The morning flew. Qui-Gon did little, busying himself with small tasks (including washing dishes) and observing the boy. His fingers were nimble, sure as he constructed his weapon, and Qui-Gon had to wonder why Toman had insisted that the boy build his weapon to his own specifications.

Lunch was sandwiches. Obi-Wan ate four of them, and Qui-Gon had to laugh softly to himself as he fixed the fourth. It was that or rage at the boy's careless Master.

Afterwards, they moved outside. The tension in Obi-Wan eased as they settled on the grass outside the small house. To Qui-Gon's surprise and relief, it eased further as he led the boy through meditations that, from the look on his face, he'd forgotten. Which was fine. These were basic exercises. He'd needed the reminder himself, before they left.

It was nearing dinnertime before Qui-Gon turned to face Obi-Wan, almost hesitant to take the next step. "You have injuries other than your knee," he said softly. The boy's eyes widened, then he nodded. "Will you show me?"

When the under-tunic came off, Qui-Gon bit back a curse as he circled the boy. Old burns covered his torso, and newer burns laced his back. All of them were from a lightsaber. "I'll be right back," he said a little stiffly, and went into the house.

He returned when he was calmer, forcing his agitation away until he had time to face it, a med-pack in his hands. "How did you get these?" he asked neutrally, applying burn cream to the older burns, bacta to the newer ones.

Obi-Wan started. "I couldn't move very fast because of my knee," he said, sounding as if it should have been obvious.

"But your tunic should have protected you." Qui-Gon was almost sure he knew what he was going to hear next, and he did not want to hear it.

He was silent for a long time. "I wasn't allowed to wear it," he said finally. "Master Toman said I learned so slowly, maybe getting some burns would help me learn faster."

"We will see if you learn slowly," Qui-Gon said neutrally, "but not tonight." He gave Obi-Wan his tunic back, then helped him to his feet. "Ready to fill that bottomless pit?"

Obi-Wan flushed. "I'm sorry."

"It's normal," Qui-Gon said easily. "I probably ate three times what you eat when I was your age. Master Dooku despaired of getting me enough to eat."

"He was your Master?"

Was that interest? There was no pain or fear in the Force at the question. "Yes," Qui-Gon said. "He told me I was his last, after I passed the trials. Someone told me later I must have scared him away."

"Did you?"

Qui-Gon laughed as he opened the door to the kitchen and helped Obi-Wan maneuver in. "Sometimes I think I did. I was… not a model Padawan. I'm not a model Knight according to some, including Yoda I sometimes think. Or a model Master. But I do my best." He let Obi-Wan go, and the boy lowered himself into the chair. "See if you can clean off enough of that table for two plates."

"Did you ask him?" Obi-Wan asked after a few minutes of trying to clear enough room without having to stand up.

Qui-Gon turned from dinner. "Many times. He has never answered me."

"Master Sorin said he'd never take another..." The boy stopped abruptly, and when Qui-Gon turned, Obi-Wan stared up at him, terror in his eyes. It rolled off him in waves.

"Sorin was your Master?"

"The first." It came out a squeak, but the terror seemed to have eased.

Qui-Gon was uncomfortable to realize that this was fear of him, and he tried to think of a way that would ease Obi-Wan's feelings. He turned back to dinner. "That's a heavy burden to carry. I don't believe I have met Sorin. Is he young?"

"Yes."

Whatever had made Obi-Wan open up was gone now. He was quiet through dinner and retired early. With a sigh, Qui-Gon contacted the Council to make his report.


	5. "Who do You Want Me to be?" - Animotion, Obsession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan's confusion grows

The sunlight was in the trees outside his window when Obi-Wan woke. It was luxurious, to be able to sleep, to not have to worry about someone bursting in - at least, not yet.

A knock on his door made him jump, and he stared at it, terror filling him. "Obi-Wan?"

"Yes?" his voice cracked.

The door opened and Qui-Gon stood there, a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?"

Obi-Wan cleared his throat and sat up. "I'm fine," he said.

Qui-Gon looked at him evenly, and he dropped his eyes, his shields as strong as he could make them. Please don't come in, his thoughts chanted. Let me feel safe somewhere. "Would you prefer that I not enter your room?" the Knight asked softly.

Obi-Wan threw his head up in surprise, and opened his mouth to answer 'its up to you,' only to be betrayed by his own tongue. "Yes."

The Jedi nodded once, sharply. "Very well. Breakfast is ready. Will you need help?"

Obi-Wan swallowed past the lump in his throat. Pushing the blanket aside, he got to his feet. "No, I don't think so."

"Go slowly," Qui-Gon cautioned him, and left the doorway.

So he did, using the walls to help him keep his balance. When he reached the kitchen, Qui-Gon was just putting breakfast on the table.

It was quiet again this meal; Obi-Wan didn't feel like talking, although he did feel much better. It was amazing, how much good enough sleep could do.

After breakfast, he went back to working on his lightsaber - and it was really his - using the meditations Qui-Gon had given him to ease the frustration he felt on occasion when he had a hard time fitting in some of the components. The thought distracted him, and he glanced at the Jedi. He was working on his own lightsaber, cleaning it, his large hands more gentle than Obi-Wan would have guessed would be possible. His Masters had been smaller than Qui-Gon, and yet this Jedi had been less violent than any of the three. He looked up before Obi-Wan could look down, and smiled slightly.

"I spoke with the Council last night," Qui-Gon said without preamble. "I will do so every night, as long as Yoda requires it."

Obi-Wan stared at him, his feelings roiling. Why? And why tell him now? It was such a weird thing to say, and Qui-Gon certainly had no reason to tell him.

"I'm telling you this for two reasons. One, I want you to know you can trust me. There is no reason you should not know of this, and I simply did not think that you might want to know. I'm sorry about that. You are welcome to be present to my reports, if you wish. The second reason is that if I didn't tell you, I would be unable to relay greetings from your friends Bant and Garen."

Obi-Wan froze, unable to respond for the moment. He didn't know how to respond. "Thank you," he finally stuttered. "Are they well?"

"Yes, I believe so," Qui-Gon said, and went back to what he was doing.

After a moment, Obi-Wan went back to his own work, still confused. Trust had been an issue with Masters Sorin, Denk and Toman, but they'd all demanded it of him. This was very strange. Considering Master Toman's reaction to him spending even his own free time with Bant and Garen, he knew that his former Master would not have passed on their greetings. He pushed his thoughts of all his former Masters from his head and focused on the task at hand. It was much more pleasant.

The day ran much as it had the day before; after lunch they spent time meditating. Already, Obi-Wan felt a difference in his contact with the Force, and by late afternoon, he was closer to peace than he had been for nearly two years.

"How is your knee?"

Obi-Wan looked up. "Better," he said softly. It was still so strange, but there was no guarantee that this situation wouldn't turn out like the others. It had taken Master Toman almost two weeks before he had invaded his Padawan's mind.

"I thought we could work on how to keep people out of your head," Qui-Gon said, and Obi-Wan started, staring at the other man. How did he…. Almost in a panic, Obi-Wan searched his own mind, trying to find evidence that Qui-Gon had invaded his thoughts. That was the third time today it had seemed as if the Master had read his mind. At least he'd been able to tell when his Masters were in his mind, even if he couldn't get them to leave. What if he couldn't tell with Qui-Gon?

The familiar panic overtook everything, and he was scrambling away before he knew it. He couldn't get very far - was that why Master Toman had injured his knee? - but it was all the struggle he knew. It must have surprised the Jedi because he didn't move until Obi-Wan came to a stop, pressed against the side of the house.

"What's wrong?"

He couldn't catch his breath, panic filling his mind, breaths coming in short gasps. Qui-Gon didn't move, but proximity wasn't necessary. Master Denk had proven that.

"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's voice seemed to come from a long distance. "I will not hurt you."

Oh, sure, Obi-Wan thought, pressed against the wall. That's what they all said. Then it was - you're too slow - or - I'm your Master, I know what's best - or - That's basic, why don't you know that? - and there was nothing I could do, I'm just a kid.

"Obi-Wan."

He flinched, surprised to see Qui-Gon was much closer, and tried to get to his feet. Before he got far, Qui-Gon was there, helping him to stand, and Obi-Wan cringed, sure it would come now. How could the Master resist invading his mind?

"I will not hurt you."

Master Denk would have put hurt and disappointment in the repeated words, whatever it took to coerce his trust. Qui-Gon had stated it simply, firmly. There was no manipulation, so far.

"Theela suggested I help you strengthen your shields," Qui-Gon said after a moment of silence. "She suggested it be specifically to protect against people who knew you, who had been in your mind. Does that sound like a good idea to you?"

The Jedi was still holding him up. Obi-Wan began to calm down, pulling in the bigger man's patience to try to ease the hysteria that filled him. Finally, he nodded. "Yes, sir," he said softly, almost hopelessly. What else was he going to say? Especially with Qui-Gon standing right there. No, proximity wasn't necessary, but the closer he was, the more it would hurt.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

"No." It was an automatic response. He couldn't be sure. Everything was so messed up. "I don't know," he admitted reluctantly. He was still unable to focus. The panic was receding slowly, but it was going.

"Then do not walk until you do know."

He said it kindly and stepped away from Obi-Wan, who wrapped his arms around himself and began to control the panic. "Control it, you must," Yoda had said when he was younger. "Recognize it you must, and let it go." Finally, enough of it drained away, and he took stock of his body.

"No," Obi-Wan finally said. "I didn't hurt anything."

"Good. Are you ready to call it a day?"

Ready and past ready. But he only nodded and gratefully accepted Qui-Gon's help inside.

Dinner was quiet. Obi-Wan wasn't as hungry as he usually was, and excused himself early. "Do you wish to be there when I speak to the Council?" Qui-Gon asked.

Obi-Wan paused in the doorway, on the way out of the kitchen. "Not tonight," he said softly and kept going.

He woke the next morning and went into the main room to curl up on the luxurious rug. The sunlight spilled across it and almost unwillingly, he dozed off, relaxed from the warmth the rug held.

"Obi-Wan?"

He woke slowly, blinking in the sunlight. "Huh?"

"Breakfast is ready."

"Oh. All right." He got to his feet and followed the Jedi Master into the kitchen. Breakfast was silent and quick, and once finished, the table was cleared. Obi-Wan settled willingly into creating his lightsaber again.

He was nearly finished when Qui-Gon sat down at the table. "How's your knee?"

Obi-Wan looked up, startled. "It's much better today," he admitted.

"Good." The Knight paused. "Have you given any thought to what I suggested yesterday?"

It surprised Obi-Wan. "I said yes." He set his lightsaber down. The next part was going to need all his concentration. He didn't know exactly what he was going to do; he hadn't had time to read this man to know what it was he wanted to hear. It was considerably harder without the training bond.

"That it sounded like a good idea." Qui-Gon took a deep breath. "I was… unsure to what your agreement referred," he said. "Your panic was obvious, even without the Force. I thought, perhaps, you agreed in order to get me to leave you alone."

Obi-Wan stared at him, startled, and dropped his eyes again. Somehow, without him knowing it, the Jedi was able to get into his mind. "No. I agreed to do the exercises."

"Why did you agree to them?"

Why was he making this so hard? The Jedi Master's kind gaze gave him no clues when he met it, and Obi-Wan quickly dropped his eyes to the table again. "You said Theela, the Healer, thought it would be a good idea to work on my shields." He hadn't had to do this much guesswork for a while, and he was out of practice. He surprised himself by wishing for a training bond so he didn't have to do as much guesswork. He'd gotten really good at knowing what his Master had wanted him to say, even at the other man's most guarded moments.

"Yes," Qui-Gon said neutrally.

Obi-Wan stared at him a moment longer. Still no clue, and he decided he couldn't take it any more. No more lies. If he got punished for it, then so be it. "I decided it would be good because you seemed to want it."

Qui-Gon nodded, but without the satisfaction Master Toman would have shown that made him tense up and want to run. "I do. You are far too vulnerable, from what Theela tells me. But what I want is irrelevant, Obi-Wan. This is about you, what you want."

Obi-Wan stared at him, feeling suddenly out of his depth. He hadn't expected that, not at all. None of his other Masters had ever said anything like that, so he had no idea how to react. All he could do was stare at Qui-Gon, quite disarmed.

"I don't want to start anything before you feel ready," the Jedi assured him. "Only you know when that will be."

Obi-Wan thought for a minute, his eyes on the nearly completed lightsaber before him. The thought of touching minds with someone made him flinch. "No. Not yet."

"Tell me when you're ready," Qui-Gon said gently. "How close are you to being finished with that?"

"Needs only a crystal," he said warily.

"Ah. Good." He got up and left the kitchen. Obi-Wan stared after him, completely confused.

The Master returned minutes later with something in his hand, and gently poured out a pouch in front of Obi-Wan. Five crystals caught the sunlight. "You said you wanted to have fresh components," he said. "I didn't know if you meant the crystal as well."

Obi-Wan reached out and took one of the sapphires, weighing it in his hand. It had caught his eye, but to be honest, he had no idea what it was that made a good lightsaber crystal. Every other crystal had been chosen for him, as he'd been apprenticed early enough that Sorin had overseen the making of his first lightsaber. He set the crystal down, picking up each of the stones in turn before deciding on the first one. Carefully, he slipped it into place, and just as carefully thumbed the lightsaber to life. He was vaguely aware of Qui-Gon's gaze as he made a few minor adjustments, and then a smile spread across his face. The hilt fit into his hand, balanced perfectly, the blade made it come alive. It was his. Reluctantly, he shut it down.

"Very good," Qui-Gon said gently, and there was a smile in his voice.

Obi-Wan stared at him, but then flushed and dropped his eyes. The strange feeling that filled him took a while to figure out. Pleasure. The praise had felt real, unaffected. And he refused to let himself doubt it.


	6. "I Can't Pretend that I Don't Need You" - Plus One, Going Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon brings in help.

"He's progressing slowly but steadily," Qui-Gon reported. "I had hoped to move faster, but that will not be possible."

"Pleased, you are," Yoda said.

"Yes," Qui-Gon readily admitted. "He is a bright boy." He didn't add his next thought, that he'd make someone a good Padawan, although his mind avoided any thoughts of making the boy his. He still was not convinced the total fault lay on Obi-Wan.

The boy had managed to control the fear of healers he still obviously felt when Theela had arrived late that afternoon, her small craft landing on the lawn between the cabin and the lake behind it. That was possibly because he'd been warned she was coming, and Qui-Gon had told him that if he did not let her look at him, he would not be able to begin working with his new lightsaber. The Healer hadn't stayed long, as she had other patients to attend to, but she had stayed long enough after checking up on his student to lie in the sun and give her skin a bronze tint (the Hjem tanned incredibly fast). Obi-Wan had been wary of him ever since she'd gone again, and Qui-Gon knew he could not use that again unless it was the real reason. Not that he would, but it had been interesting to note that the boy was so aware of things that could be used against him. Perhaps that explained the protective feelings about the bracelet.

"More is there?" Yoda asked politely.

"He is not ready for any mental contact yet," Qui-Gon went on. "I was fairly certain that would take the longest, and so it is proving. It may help if there was a student here he could work with instead of me. Someone he trusts."

"Trust you he does not?" Yoda asked. He almost sounded surprised.

"Not completely," Qui-Gon said, "And only in some things. In this... I don't know if he ever will, without help."

The Council was quiet. "Do you have someone in mind?" Mace asked.

"He has a friend, Bant, who would do well. Or Garen, I believe Obi-Wan said his name was."

"Garen is no longer at the temple," Mace said slowly, "But Bant can be spared."

"Need her soon, do you?"

"No," Qui-Gon said. "It is not yet urgent."

"Inform you we will, when come she can," Yoda said.

Qui-Gon bowed. "Thank you, Master." He signed off and smiled slightly to himself. If this kept up, he might be able to convince them yet.

"Did I hear you mention Bant and Garen?" Obi-Wan hovered in the doorway, only his head, right shoulder and arm visible. His fingers gripped the door jamb, the knuckles almost white.

Qui-Gon nodded, wondering at the boy's protective posture. "Yes. I had an idea that might help you out, and would give you the added benefit of not feeling quite so isolated."

Obi-Wan looked confused, his brows drawn together. "What?"

"When Bant is able, she will join you here for a while," Qui-Gon explained.

"And Garen?"

"Garen is not at the temple," Qui-Gon said. "Mace did not say why." Of course, there were only two possible choices for why Garen was absent.

From all outward appearances, Obi-Wan seemed done with his questions. He nodded and turned to go, but Qui-Gon knew he wanted to know more. His curiosity and worry echoed in the Force. "Obi-Wan," he called, and the boy turned back, standing completely in the doorway this time. "Is there something else?"

The trust was fragile, at best. The last two weeks, Obi-Wan had settled a little and seemed to be getting a grip on his panic. Qui-Gon hoped that his threat this morning had not injured that trust in any way. "Why are you bringing Bant here?" he asked.

Qui-Gon took a deep breath. "Because you trust her. She is familiar and a friend and you know she will not hurt you," he said gently. "You don't trust me."

The boy stared at him, eyes wide in dismay.

"That is fine," Qui-Gon continued when it became clear that Obi-Wan would not say anything. "But I cannot help you without trust, so I am bringing in a mediator."

"But why?"

There was more to the question than the words. "You will be a great Jedi one day," Qui-Gon said, "but only after you recover from this. Is the idea of sharing thoughts with Bant as painful as the one of sharing thoughts with me?"

Obi-Wan gave him a startled look, and then he almost visibly relaxed. "No," he said, almost surprised. "It's not."

"I thought it might not be," Qui-Gon said briskly, and Obi-Wan flushed, tensing up again. "I will let you know when she will be arriving."

The boy hesitated for a long while. "I'm sorry," he finally blurted.

"For what?"

"That I can't..." His voice faded.

"That you cannot trust me? Your trust has been violated, Obi-Wan, and it may take a long time before you feel you can trust anyone, especially someone you see as a Master or possible Master."

The bolt of panic passed through him quickly now, and he nodded. "Thank you. For bringing my friend and for understanding."

"You're welcome."

Obi-Wan vanished from the doorway, and seconds later, Qui-Gon heard his lightsaber activate. It made the Jedi Knight smile, and his smile widened at the pleasure that came from the boy through the Force. Good. He was not so lost (if lost at all) that his lightsaber did not please him.

The trust issue was only one of the things that bothered Qui-Gon. There was the boy's fear of the Healers, and after the flash of pain when he'd touched the boy's braid, he'd left it alone. It had not been the nervousness or fear he'd associated with the possible loss of a Padawan braid, either. He was old enough to have been through an actual casting-out ceremony, and none of those feelings were in Obi-Wan. He had no idea if he was even getting close to the answers.

The next week flew by. They began to slowly work with the lightsabers, and Obi-Wan's obvious enjoyment of the exercises made Qui-Gon smile. There was no doubt, either, that he was a fast learner. He was occasionally hesitant, but that usually led to a stop because of his still-healing knee. They would stop for about an hour to meditate on healing, and then he would be ready to go again.

It was the end of the week when Bant arrived. Qui-Gon met the transport when it landed on the back lawn and greeted the nervous girl with a smile. He led her around to where Obi-Wan was meditating on the front lawn. He did not look up until Qui-Gon touched his shoulder. Even then, it pleased him to see that the boy took a while to come out of his trance. It was nice to find someone who took meditation seriously. "Your friend is here," he said gently, gesturing to where Bant stood, travel bag in hand, and Obi-Wan blinked at him. "Show her around while I start lunch."

"Yes, sir," Obi-Wan said, and got to his feet. The two friends hugged, and Qui-Gon went into the cabin, listening to them catch up on lost news.

Lunch was loud. Qui-Gon sat back, watching and listening to their conversation. There was animation in Obi-Wan's gestures that he had not seen before, and the boy was not so conscious of how much he ate. Qui-Gon sent them off for a short swim in the lake behind the cabin, and readied himself for teaching two students.

The afternoon was strange at first, but Qui-Gon adapted well to teaching two students of differing skills. He also discovered that letting them teach each other was something worth working on.

The two were still talking in the common room when Qui-Gon left to make his report. He'd finished that and had signed off when panic shot through the Force. He ran into the room to find Obi-Wan curled in a ball on the white rug, Bant next to him, trying to get him to sit up.

"What happened?" Qui-Gon asked.

She straightened, startled, and didn't try to hide the tears that had begun to track her cheeks. "I just told him why Garen wasn't at the Temple," she said.

"Which is?" Qui-Gon prompted gently when she didn't continue.

"He was chosen," she explained. "He is on a mission with his Master."

"Ah." He understood the panic, but it raised more questions. Why would he be frightened for his friend? He knelt down and touched Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Obi-Wan," he said gently.

The boy stirred and sat up, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He was calmer, the panic draining away, but his eyes were wide when he looked at them.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded jerkily, his breathing settling. Qui-Gon stood and backed away, watching as he slowly uncurled, stretching his legs out.

"Did you hurt yourself?" Qui-Gon asked gently.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "Yes," he said in a small voice. He was embarrassed, Qui-Gon could tell, so he said no more and went to get the cold pack. The rest of the night passed with no more incidents.

The next morning, however, was not so smooth. He assigned them to work together on an exercise, and left them alone. When he returned later, the two sat close together, eyes closed, the Force flowing between them. Tears had left tracks on Obi-Wan's face, but he seemed at peace, now. Qui-Gon did not venture closer, unwilling to disturb them.

He hadn't been there long when Obi-Wan flinched, and they both opened their eyes, the trance broken. "I'm sorry, Bant," Obi-Wan said, and rubbed his head.

"It's okay," Bant said gently.

"Is something wrong?" Qui-Gon asked, moving closer.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Me," he said. Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow. "I can't... it... even contact with Bant hurts," he finally said.

"Hm," Qui-Gon said. "That I had not expected." He watched them for a minute, then nodded. "Meditate for now. I will contact Theela and see if she can help."

He walked into the house berating himself. He'd focused too much on healing the boy's knee, and had forgotten completely what Theela had said about his mind. Shaking his head to rid himself of the negative feelings - they had no place here - he put in a call to the temple.

"He has attempted contact with you?" the Healer asked.

"No. A fellow student."

"Good. I will transmit some things that can be done," she said. "If he is willing to do them, he will do well."

When Qui-Gon returned to his students, they both sat quietly on the lawn but looked up as he approached. "It is not as bleak as it may seem," he told Obi-Wan, "but it will take some work."

The determination that tightened Obi-Wan's jaw wasn't much of a surprise anymore. He began working on the exercises Theela had sent with the same single mindedness he'd attacked everything Qui-Gon had given him, while the Knight worked with Bant. Toman had said the boy was unteachable, Qui-Gon remembered, and his brow furrowed. He was going to have to do more research. He wanted to know if any of the other accusations by Obi-Wan's former Masters were false.

That evening, when he reported to the council, he requested any information on Obi-Wan's first two Masters, including the records of why he'd been repudiated.

"Curious this request is," Yoda said. "Reason have you?"

Qui-Gon hesitated. "Toman said Obi-Wan was unteachable," he said slowly. "I have found the opposite to be true. He is eager to learn. I would like to know what else was said about him."

There was silence, and then Mace nodded. "Very well, we will transmit the information."

"Good to hear it is, that better Obi-Wan does," Yoda added.

The Council signed off, and Qui-Gon's eyes narrowed. Getting the official report wasn't going to be enough. Eventually, Obi-Wan would have to give his side.


	7. "Show Me That My Will Survived the Tragedy that Came into My Life" - Queensrÿche, Best I Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of Bant's visit, and Obi-Wan has nightmares.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and took a deep breath. He hadn't realized how much pain had been in the back of his mind until it was gone. He and Bant had been working steadily through the week on the exercises Qui-Gon had given them, each one harder than the last. The latest had taken them a day and a half to finally complete, but they'd managed.

What had disturbed him - and he was sure Qui-Gon had noticed their silence at dinner - was Bant's suggestion that they bring the Knight into their connection. It had taken him by surprise, but even more surprising was how comfortable he was after the initial shock had worn off. That he was so comfortable with the thought of working with Qui-Gon had truly frightened him, so he'd retired early to meditate on it.

Meditation was helping a little, but it wasn't the answer he wanted. He had no reason not to follow Bant's suggestion. Everything he'd observed led only to the conclusion that Qui-Gon was nothing like his former Masters. At least, it was taking him longer to turn into the kind of people his Masters had been. Perhaps it was an unfavorable comparison, but it was the only one he had.

He took a second deep breath, and let it out in a sigh. Tomorrow was another day. He climbed into bed and slept immediately.

When he woke, he went to find Bant. She was sitting on the edge of the white rug, smiling with closed eyes into the rising sun. Obi-Wan settled next to her and closed his eyes to bask in the warmth.

"You are right," he said after a long silence. "It is time."

She didn't answer with words, simply reaching to squeeze his hand gently.

They became aware of Qui-Gon not long after that, and turned to look at him. "Breakfast is ready," he said. "Come when you are."

Obi-Wan glanced at Bant; she smiled and they got to their feet to follow the Knight.

"What's the plan for today?" Qui-Gon asked when they'd finished. Well, when everyone but Obi-Wan had finished. He still ate more than everyone else. He was too startled by the question to be embarrassed.

"What?" he asked.

"I thought you'd like a free day today," Qui-Gon explained. "Bant must return to the temple tomorrow. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner," he added gently. "I found out last night, and you had already gone to bed."

Obi-Wan's mind spun, but one look at Bant and he knew what she wanted. He took a deep breath. "We had thought to start the Force exercises again, from the beginning, but with you." His voice cracked.

Qui-Gon looked at him, then at Bant, and then back to him. "Are you sure?"

"No," Obi-Wan said honestly. "But Bant had a good point last night, and now would be better, before I..." He trailed off.

Qui-Gon nodded. "Very well. We will work this morning, and the afternoon will be yours."

Obi-Wan's mind was oddly calm as they cleaned up, which was strange. He'd expected his thoughts to be gibbering in fear. But if he'd felt any fear, he'd let it go before recognizing it. That wasn't likely - he didn't even know if that were possible - so it was possible the fear simply hadn't set in yet.

They settled on the grass outside, facing each other. Obi-Wan was surprised to find out he was shaking. "You must be calm," Bant said softly, and he slowly relaxed. Ever so gently her mind touched his, reminding him of a butterfly. Then, just as gently but with greater strength, he felt Qui-Gon join the bond. He shied away but the connection held, and he tried to calm the fear that welled up in him. He struggled to let it go, and it was working. He began to breathe easier.

"Why don't you trust me!" Master Denk's voice howled in his mind and Obi-Wan threw himself backwards, scooting across the grass away from Bant and the Jedi.

When the panic passed, he lay flat on his back, one arm thrown up to ward off the expected blow. Slowly, that arm dropped to rest on the grass beside him, and he waited for his breathing to slow down.

"Obi-Wan?" Bant asked, and he sat up.

She and Qui-Gon watched him from their original positions. "Are you okay?" Qui-Gon asked.

Feeling almost silly, Obi-Wan nodded.

"Who was that?" Bant asked.

Obi-Wan swallowed in a dry throat. "That was Master Denk," he said. Bant stared at him in shock and surprise, and her anger flowed around them.

"He yelled..." She quieted as Qui-Gon laid a hand on her shoulder. Obi-Wan could see her fighting to calm herself, and finally she relaxed.

"Did he yell at you like that often?" Qui-Gon asked gently once she had.

Define often, Obi-Wan thought. "Not... really," he offered hesitantly. Qui-Gon nodded.

"Do you want to continue?"

The question was neutral. Obi-Wan was almost used to not knowing how Qui-Gon wanted him to respond. "Yes," he said, but it was a minute before he could make himself move.

Joining the circle again, Obi-Wan found the calm he needed, and waited. Bant's touch was there, butterfly soft, then Qui-Gon joined them. It took longer this time for the fear to overwhelm him, and Qui-Gon broke contact before it got too bad. Obi-Wan was surprised to find that he was out of breath.

"You're doing well," Qui-Gon told him. "Do you wish to continue?"

Obi-Wan only nodded as his breathing slowed, and with it, his heart rate. He composed his mind, found that calm again, and waited. This time, the connection remained for the requisite time, if barely.

"Excellent," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan fell backward onto the grass in a rather exaggerated move, closing his eyes against the light of the sun. He felt wrung out, exhausted and elated at the same time. Things were going great.

"Continue, or do you two want to escape for the rest of the morning?"

Bant looked at him. "Obi-Wan?"

"Escape," Obi-Wan said without thinking. Almost immediately, a memory of Master Sorin's disapproval and the resulting punishment flashed through his mind, and he was suddenly nervous. He sat up, pulling his knees into his chest. Such a posture had kept him from getting really hurt that time. "If it's okay?"

Qui-Gon got to his feet, towering over them, and stepped back before Obi-Wan could cringe. "I would not have suggested it if it had not been okay," he said, and Obi-Wan could almost believe that of him. So far, the Knight had not said anything he did not mean. "Come back for lunch. We'll have it out here."

Bant looked curiously after him as he went into the house, and then turned to Obi-Wan. "Let's go swimming. Race you," she said, halfway to her feet already. Gratefully Obi-Wan abandoned his thoughts and raced after her.

They spent the day at the lake, with a break for lunch, and returned at dinner time, exhausted and hungry. Well, he was exhausted. Bant wasn't.

"You're sunburned," Qui-Gon told him as he sat down at dinner. Obi-Wan nodded. He'd caught sight of his reflection in the window on the way in and could understand why Bant had snickered all the way back to the cabin. His face and exposed upper body were a bright red that rivaled the flowers in the Meditation Gardens. His tunic was uncomfortable, rubbing in places against the burned skin.

"I'll hate it in the morning," he said, "But it feels okay right now."

Qui-Gon chuckled. "If more of you looks like your face, you won't be able to move tomorrow."

Obi-Wan thought about it and then nodded. "Yes."

"I have some cream that will help you with that."

After dinner, Bant went to pack, and Qui-Gon gave Obi-Wan the tube of cream. He spread it where he could reach, and then decided to see if Bant would help him with his back. "Here." Qui-Gon took the tube from his hands and gestured for Obi-Wan to kneel in front of the couch. He did, surprised when he felt the Jedi's large hands spreading the cream on his back. The cream soothed the burn nicely, and he sighed in relief when Qui-Gon had finished.

"Feel better?" the Master asked, chuckling slightly.

"Yes. Thank you."

"You'll probably want to keep out of the sun for the rest of the week, and take it a little easier with lightsaber practice."

Moving stiffly, Obi-Wan pulled his under tunic back on. "Yes, sir," he said, almost cheerfully. He couldn't really understand where the mood came from, but he was glad it was there.

He couldn't sleep. It wasn't just the sunburn, either. He'd lain down and closed his eyes, only to feel something ominous looming over him. He'd opened his eyes again, but could see nothing. Yet in the Force, he could feel something or someone near. It happened over and over again, knocking him from his meditation when he tried that. As soon as he could see the outline of the trees outside his window, he left his room to curl up on the rug and watch the sunrise, ignoring the pain of the sun on his burned face.

Bant joined him as the sight got really spectacular. "Miss this I will," she said softly.

"Miss you I will," he replied. "Thank you."

"Welcome you are," she said. "Come back soon."

"If I can."

The silence lasted until Qui-Gon emerged from his room, and even then, all they spoke was an exchange of good mornings. The peace Obi-Wan had felt was gone, suddenly and unexpectedly, and he did not recover it by the time Qui-Gon called them for breakfast.

Bant left shortly thereafter, and Obi-Wan couldn't help feeling that she took all his peace with her. He turned to look at Qui-Gon, who looked back at him.

"How did you sleep?"

Obi-Wan shrugged, wincing as his burned skin protested the movement. "Not so well."

"From your sunburn?"

Obi-Wan hesitated, then shook his head. "Bad dreams," he said softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

He turned to go back inside, and for some reason, knowing Qui-Gon followed him made his skin crawl.

The house felt empty, and a loneliness Obi-Wan had forgotten settled around him again. He stopped near the couch and turned to face the Jedi Knight.

Qui-Gon paused, watching him, and Obi-Wan dropped his gaze. "I did not sleep so well, either," he said after a moment. "Would you mind resting until noon?"

Obi-Wan shook his head and turned silently to go to his room. He was grateful that the dark feeling didn't return as he fell asleep.


	8. "I'm on My Way to Lose My Mind" - Leatherwolf, Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things change, and not for the better, at least so it seams at first.

Qui-Gon had a feeling that things were going to get bad from here. Something long buried had surfaced in Obi-Wan's mind, and the Knight hoped he would be up to what happened next.

The afternoon was uneventful as they worked through lightsaber forms. But even that failed to lift Obi-Wan's spirits, and Qui-Gon didn't know how to help.

"Need more help, do you?" Yoda asked that evening at his report.

"No," Qui-Gon said, almost too sharply. "Having someone else here might make it worse. I just wanted you to know." The Council agreed.

The next morning, Qui-Gon could nearly see the tension on Obi-Wan, and mentally prepared himself for something to break. The boy seemed balanced on a knife edge, his movements sharp, edged, like a living sculpture of glass shards.

The morning lightsaber practice was easier, and then they sat outside in the shade of the large tree on the east side of the house to do the meditation exercises Obi-Wan had done with Bant. Qui-Gon expected it to be a battle.

It was not as bad as he'd expected, but it was a battle. He could feel the boy's fear and frustration growing and he stopped the exercise. "Obi-Wan," he said gently. "Calm down and we'll start again."

The look Obi-Wan shot him was full of venom, but he obediently closed his eyes. Slowly, fear and frustration drained out of him. Qui-Gon waited until the boy opened his eyes and nodded, still shaking but doing better. Qui-Gon gently reached out to Obi-Wan, noting that the spikes in the boy's mind were sharp again. Those spikes eased as he brushed them, withdrawing until their minds joined with a slight, almost familiar touch. The time passed, slowly, and next to him, Obi-Wan began trembling. Qui-Gon pulled away slightly, trying not to put pressure on Obi-Wan's mind. Oddly, the boy's trembling intensified, and finally the spikes made their reappearance. Qui-Gon withdrew.

"Perhaps," he said, "we should work on how to keep people out before continuing with these exercises."

Obi-Wan shrugged, his fingers twisting the grass. Qui-Gon waited until he looked up. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

His answer came both mentally and physically. Obi-Wan lunged at him and a sharp spike bore into his shields. Attending to the mental attack took precedence. By the time he'd ascertained there was no real threat, the boy had gotten in three good hits, two to his chest and one to his jaw. Calling on the Force, he was able to intercept the boy's next two blows, catching his wrists. He would not use the Force to freeze the boy again, or the air around him. There had been too much terror for that, their first day together. Wrenching Obi-Wan sideways, Qui-Gon threw him to the ground, then pinned him down when he continued to struggle. He was strangely pleased to note that Obi-Wan had put on weight.

Eventually, Obi-Wan stilled, and soon after, the mental attack withdrew as well. After a few moments, both to let him catch his breath and to make sure that the boy wasn't going to start struggling again, Qui-Gon released him, rolled away out of reach and got to his feet.

Obi-Wan lay still just long enough for Qui-Gon to begin to worry that he'd hurt the boy. Finally, though, the student pushed himself to his feet and turned to face the Knight. Qui-Gon was astonished at the amount of despair rolling off him. Obi-Wan stared at him in silence, and Qui-Gon waited for him to speak.

"What do you want from me?" he finally asked.

Qui-Gon's heart lurched, but he made sure his voice was steady. "From you?" he queried. "Your best. I told you when we started you would be great. And..." He stopped when Obi-Wan gestured sharply, and waited. This was not, perhaps, correct behavior from a Padawan - his or not - but it did seem to be something the boy had to work through. He really wanted to have a talk with his student's former Masters.

"Are you going to tell me again that you aren't going to hurt me?" he demanded. "Because that's what they said. And then..." His arms crossed and he hugged himself. He didn't seem to feel the sunburn. Qui-Gon didn't dare move. This had to be done in Obi-Wan's time. "Then they did something that..."

"Hurt?" Qui-Gon asked softly.

"Needlessly," Obi-Wan insisted. "He... They made me..." And he launched himself at Qui-Gon again, blind with rage and fear.

This attack was less focused, more desperate, and completely physical. His shoulder slammed into Qui-Gon's unprotected stomach, and his momentum drove the Jedi Master backwards. Qui-Gon let himself fall, pulling the boy down with him. The struggle took only a while longer, but soon he had pinned Obi-Wan again. Obi-Wan froze, trembling, anticipating... something. Qui-Gon could feel it. Once he was sure the boy wouldn't attack him immediately, he released him, rolled away, and got up, waiting.

Obi-Wan did not get to his feet, but he did finally sit up. "I did not think..." he started. Qui-Gon waited, recognizing that patience was necessary. "You are cruel, Master Jinn," he finally said.

"How am I cruel?" he asked, hiding how startled the statement had made him.

"They never... Why are you taking so long?"

"To do what?" He didn't try to hide his confusion this time.

Obi-Wan gestured aimlessly, his eyes focused on the ground. "What... What my Masters did."

"What was that?"

The boy was quiet for a long time. "They didn't wait this long," he finally said.

"For what?"

"Why don't you get mad at me?" he demanded, looking up with flashing eyes.

"For doing what?" He couldn't follow Obi-Wan's train of thought. He simply didn't have enough information. He wasn't actually sure Obi-Wan could follow his own train of thought.

"I hit you."

"And very well," Qui-Gon agreed, rubbing his jaw. "What should I do about it?"

Silence hung between them. Qui-Gon noticed Obi-Wan was rubbing his knee again. "Do you need ice on that?" he asked.

Obi-Wan flinched, then sighed tiredly. "Yes," he said, and climbed wearily to his feet. Qui-Gon turned to go in and was not too surprised when the boy's shoulder drove into his lower back, knocking him to his knees. Fury and fear raged in the Force behind him, and Obi-Wan found the strength somewhere to force the bigger man down onto his hands.

With a twist, Qui-Gon threw himself sideways, breaking Obi-Wan's hold. Qui-Gon landed hard, on his back, but before he could catch a breath the boy's fist slammed into his chest. The other hand was raised for the next blow. His face was contorted into a grim mask of rage, determination and fear. Qui-Gon grabbed at Obi-Wan's wrists, gripping tightly, and pulled him off balance. Obi-Wan tried to catch himself but crashed into the ground on his left side. He kicked at the Jedi Master, pulling at his captured wrists, trying to break free.

With some exasperation, Qui-Gon pulled the boy close, wrapped one leg around both of his student's, and pinned him down. Obi-Wan went still.

That was when the mental attack began. He'd learned well, Qui-Gon thought as the boy's focus sharpened. Misused he had been, and he'd learned from it. He wasn't strong enough to do any damage - or even to get into the Jedi's shields - and finally he gave it up.

"To do that," Qui-Gon said gently, "is to abandon and deny everything a Jedi is and stands for."

Obi-Wan stiffened, and Qui-Gon was surprised at the amount of despair rolling off the boy. It seemed to have doubled. Then he began struggle again, and Qui-Gon let him go. They got to their feet and eyed each other. After a moment, Obi-Wan dropped his eyes. "I'll take that ice now," he said softly.

Qui-Gon didn't answer until he had breath to. "Come on in."

This time, there was no attack. Obi-Wan settled down at the table, his despair as strong as before. Qui-Gon retrieved the cold pack and gave it to him. Turning back, he started the soup for lunch, and sat down across from his student. The boy didn't look at him, concentration and thoughts focused on his knee. Finally, he relaxed a little and leaned back, eyes closed.

Qui-Gon eyed him, wondering what had caused Obi-Wan to attack him like that. He was going to have a bruise or two, he thought idly, and rubbed his jaw again, and then his aching chest. He could think of nothing to say, so he closed his eyes to meditate on it.

"I'm sorry."

He almost didn't hear the apology, and opened his eyes, surprised. "For hitting you," Obi-Wan clarified. "I don't know what else to say." His voice was quiet, deferential, different than it had been.

"It is enough," Qui-Gon said, then tilted his head to one side. "You have some... topics you do not wish to discuss," he said almost hesitantly.

"Yes," Obi-Wan said. Qui-Gon could not identify the tone.

"I can only guess it is because of your former Master."

"Masters," Obi-Wan said softly. "All three of them." He seemed to withdraw, pressing his back into the chair.

Qui-Gon had to fight to keep his shock and dismay from showing. "What did they do?"

"Different things," he hedged, and Qui-Gon nodded. It was still too soon, he figured, and got up to tend to lunch and to give the boy space. They were silent while they ate, and then Obi-Wan excused himself and returned to his room.

Qui-Gon remained in the kitchen, starring sightlessly at the chair Obi-Wan had been in. Of course, the chair held no answers.


	9. "Fragile Lives, Shattered Dreams" - The Offspring, "The Kids Aren't All Right"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The recovery begins

_He was trapped, unable to move, feeling helpless, waiting for it to happen, for his Master (wait! He didn't have a Master!) to invade, hurt..._

He shrieked, dragging himself out of the dream. The door slammed open and he scrambled to get away, pressed against the wall at the head of his bed, one arm raised to ward off the blow that was coming. He was so confused he wasn't even sure from whom he expected it.

"Obi-Wan?"

The voice was soft, deeper than any of his Master's voices, and vaguely familiar. Slowly, hesitantly, he lowered his arm, looking over it to stare at Qui-Gon. The Knight stood in the doorway, a solid figure in the half light from the stars. The Jedi had never stepped into the room once he'd said he wouldn't.

"Are you alright?"

He was trembling and couldn't stop, feeling cold. "J-just a n-nightmare," he stuttered. The panic faded slowly, but the trembling didn't.

"Would you like some hot Jala?"

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and was surprised to find himself nodding. "Yes, please." He got off the sleep couch and followed Qui-Gon into the kitchen, wondering why the Master hadn't asked about his dream.

With the first sip, warmth spread through him and the trembling stopped. He let out a sigh of relief.

"How long have you been having nightmares?" Qui-Gon asked gently as he sat down in the chair across from Obi-Wan, a mug held loosely in his hands.

Obi-Wan flinched, and then took a deep calming breath and let it out. "About two years," he said. "I think it was something Master Sorin did."

"Do you know what it was he did?"

Obi-Wan gripped his mug, staring into it. "Not exactly. He was... he would not let me see." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "There are places in my mind I can't go."

"Because of Sorin?"

Obi-Wan barely heard him. "Yes," he said numbly. "And Master Denk and Master Toman."

"The Healers could probably fix those," Qui-Gon said.

"Or make it worse."

"How could they make it worse?"

Obi-Wan shrugged, gripping his mug. "That's what they said." He fell silent. After a minute, he drank again. His hands trembled. "I want them to stop," he said suddenly, staring into the mug. "I just don't know how to make them."

"I might be able to help," Qui-Gon said softly. "But I can't without your permission."

Obi-Wan's shoulders hunched. "I know."

"You don't trust me."

"I don't dare!" It was a surprise, how intense it came out. He set the mug down on the table, afraid he'd drop it.

"I know," Qui-Gon said gently. "That was not meant to be an accusation. I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan looked at him for a long minute, startled, before he remembered to drop his eyes. Just when he thought the Jedi couldn't surprise him, he did. His thoughts spun through his mind, incoherent, too fast to see.

"How can I help you to trust me?"

"I don't know," he said softly. "I really don't know."

"Then we'll figure out what works as we go." The Knight sounded certain, unruffled.

"What if nothing works?"

"If I cannot help you, Obi-Wan, someone will be able to."

The frustration he felt at the Jedi Knight's words was a surprise. "I don't want to be passed around like a failure again," he said almost bitterly.

Qui-Gon shook his head. "It is not your failing," he said softly. "It would be mine."

The shock slowed his reactions. "How?"

"Because I could not help you. I would send someone here much more qualified than I."

Obi-Wan's thoughts spun even more, and he took a deep breath to try to calm himself. "Who?" he managed to gasp.

"I don't know. I haven't reached that point yet. It's possible I never will. You're not impossible, Obi-Wan. It just takes time."

"How long?"

"However long it takes."

He felt like he was on a tightrope with no net, but he couldn't seem to express it, so he sighed. "Can you give me a time frame?" he asked almost desperately.

Qui-Gon smiled into his mug. "No more than you can, Obi-Wan. It depends largely on you."

All the pressure crashed around his shoulders and he hunched them, one hand gripping the table. Qui-Gon's hand fell heavily on his shoulder, adding to the weight. "Why are you asking?"

He looked up and met the Jedi's concerned gaze. "I... I don't know."

"I know this is hard, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon leaned back, releasing Obi-Wan's shoulder. He looked as if he weren't sure what to say next.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting go of all the emotions clouding his mind. To his surprise, they vanished, leaving him clear-headed and at peace. It made him smile. "I think I'll be able to sleep now."

"Good night," Qui-Gon said with an answering smile. "See you in the morning."

The peace lasted all night and through the morning, Obi-Wan realized after lunch. That meant to some extent that he wasn't too nervous about the exercises facing him.

His peace fled with the first touch of Qui-Gon's mind. He struggled with the fear, feeling like he wanted to scream.

Qui-Gon withdrew. "Let it go," he said sternly. "Don't fight it."

"How many times?" He tried to keep the despair out of his voice.

"As often as it takes," Qui-Gon said, gentler this time. "Patience is going to be a necessity."

"Patience is always a necessity," Obi-Wan muttered.

Qui-Gon chuckled a little ruefully. "I know."

Obi-Wan nodded and took a deep breath, letting his fear out with the breath. He wondered at Qui-Gon's tone when he'd agreed with him about patience. With an impatient sigh, he concentrated again on releasing his fear. A while later, he tried again, his mind calm. This time it seemed to go better. By the time the sun was down, they had actually moved on to the second exercise.

"Very good," Qui-Gon said. "How do you feel about it?"

Obi-Wan rolled his shoulders back and was gratified to hear his neck crack. "Oh," he said in some surprise and relief. "Better, actually."

There was no fear. Granted, he'd had to stop many times through the afternoon, just to let it go, but Qui-Gon had been patient with him.

"That's good to hear. And if you're feeling like I am, you'll sleep like the dead tonight."

"Mm," was all he could say, and he got to his feet. Hopefully, there would be no nightmares. He was absolutely exhausted.

That wasn't a shield, he discovered the next few days. The more he worked with his teacher, the worse it seemed the nightmares got.

"I have asked for more aid," Qui-Gon said quietly one morning at breakfast. Obi-Wan froze, his fork half-way to his mouth. "On the condition that you agree to it."

That unfroze his arm, and he dropped the fork back to his plate. "Who and what for?"

"My guess is that I am the cause of your nightmares. I had hoped that perhaps Yoda would be an innocuous enough presence to help you with them."

"He will not be replacing you?" It came out before he'd had a chance to even think. He had to lose this habit of talking before he thought. There was no guarantee that this situation wouldn't deteriorate like the last ones had, even if Qui-Gon had not yet tried to invade his mind.

"No. He will only be a supplement to your... recovery." Qui-Gon smiled. "I do not give up that easily."

More confused than ever, Obi-Wan nodded and went back to his meal. His thoughts spun. Why had he asked if Qui-Gon would be replaced? To some extent it was because he had really felt like a failure being passed around. That wasn't all, though. He didn't know if it was due to Qui-Gon's calm, or his so-far-proven sincerity about wanting to help.

But he was making progress, if only by inches. Now that his knee had recovered, the lightsaber lessons were speeding by as fast as he could learn what Qui-Gon taught him. It was like he'd been given access to a whole river after being rationed a cup of water a day, and he drank until he was full.

Full. He felt full, content, feelings he'd had as an initiate in the Temple, before Master Sorin had apprenticed him. He'd nearly forgotten them, they'd been missing for so long. There were still bad parts, bad days, of course, but even those were getting better.

It wasn't much of a decision, really. Before he went to bed he told Qui-Gon that having Yoda come would be fine with him. Exhausted, both mentally and physically, he fell into bed and slept.


	10. "To the Truth between the Lines" - Backstreet Boys, More than That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoda comes to see if he can help.

Qui-Gon's jaw tightened as he listened to the transcripts of Obi-Wan's former Masters again. The data pad in front of him held key words he'd picked up from them, all describing Obi-Wan. Lazy. Slow learner. Obstinate. Unwilling to apply himself. Distrustful. Angry. Disobedient. And the boy had heard every single accusation. No wonder the despair had been so heavy on him the day Qui-Gon found him curled under that tree.

He'd been able to refute every allegation except distrustful, and he couldn't because Obi-Wan didn't trust anyone. It seemed he had a good reason.

That Denk had said the boy was disobedient bothered him. He really didn't know what Denk had meant. Denk had been Obi-Wan's Master for the shortest time, only four months, but looking at the recording from when he repudiated Obi-Wan, much of the boy's spirit had been crushed. He'd managed a half-formed protest at his repudiation from Denk - he hadn't even tried, hadn't even looked up, the third time around with Toman. Stepped on, indeed.

Pressure built around him suddenly, and he knew what was coming. He was moving before Obi-Wan's scream split the air.

This nightmare was different. When he opened the door, his student was still trapped in it, thrashing weakly against his blanket. Qui-Gon hesitated only an instant before he moved into the room, hoping Obi-Wan would understand why he'd broken his promise not to enter. He caught the boy's flailing hands, pinning him gently to the bed. "Obi-Wan," he said. Obi-Wan gasped and struggled harder, putting real weight behind his thrashing. "Wake up."

Slowly, so slowly, the boy opened his eyes, then his movements eased and stilled. Qui-Gon let him go and stepped back, giving him room.

"Are you alright?"

Obi-Wan sat up and rubbed his face. "I don't know." He looked bleakly up at Qui-Gon. He didn't seem to mind the Jedi's presence, and Qui-Gon was surprised to find he was glad of that. "Why do I have these nightmares?"

"What happens in them?"

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "Usually, I can't move, and I want to get away."

"From what?" Qui-Gon prompted when he didn't continue.

"My Master. But I don't have one."

Qui-Gon waited a while, but the boy didn't elaborate any further. "You said usually. Was this one different?" he pressed gently.

"Yes." Obi-Wan shifted a little, pulling his knees to his chest. "It was happening."

"What was happening?"

"Someone was getting into my mind. I couldn't get them out. Most of the time I just know it's going to happen, and that wakes me up."

"What happens when they get into your head?" Qui-Gon had to fight to keep his voice even. Sometimes when he asked questions of Obi-Wan, the boy went silent and didn't answer. He hoped that wouldn't be the case this time.

"Keep me from moving. Hurt..." He gasped a little, and the arms clasped around his knees tightened. "They hurt me, from the inside. Discipline, they said. For when I did something wrong."

Qui-Gon didn't respond for a moment, letting his anger pass through him. It took a while. "I see," he finally said, but his words were clipped. Obi-Wan cringed. "I'm not angry with you," Qui-Gon told him, relaxing enough to lean with one knee against the bed. "Yoda will be here tomorrow."

Obi-Wan's panic flared at that, and with it the Force swirled around him, dark and angry. Qui-Gon stiffened. "What's wrong?"

"It's not right," Obi-Wan snarled suddenly, but his gaze and the malice was not directed at him.

"What's not right?"

"He wants me to believe that Yoda will do as much damage as the Healers. It's not true," he snarled again.

"He who?"

"I don't know. Someone..." He sighed softly, and the Force around him calmed. "I just want it to stop," he whispered brokenly. "I want it to stop."

"It will," Qui-Gon promised. "I don't know when or how, but it will stop."

Obi-Wan hesitated, and then stretched his legs out again.

"Will you be able to sleep now?" Qui-Gon asked gently.

Color suffused the boy's face. "Will… will you stay until I do?"

"Of course." He moved to stand in the doorway, leaning against the jamb and watching.

That the boy's request meant something could not be argued. Qui-Gon waited until he was sure Obi-Wan slept before he pulled the door closed behind him. There was enough trust between them for that, at least. It was heartening.

Yoda arrived in the middle of their sparring match, which ended shortly after his arrival. To Qui-Gon's sharp eyes, Obi-Wan did not seem as uncomfortable with the arrival of the little green Master as he had the night before. In short order, Yoda banished Qui-Gon into the house. He hesitated before going, reluctant. He could do nothing but hope Yoda would be able to succeed where he hadn't.

He was surprised to discover he was nervous. Instead of starting lunch immediately like he had planned, he knelt on the rug Obi-Wan had grown attached to and meditated until he found the peace he needed.

Obi-Wan looked exhausted and haunted when he appeared in the kitchen, Yoda on his shoulders. Lunch seemed to revitalize him a little.

"Sleep you may," Yoda told him. "One hour, no more, no less."

Relief flooded Obi-Wan's face, and he bowed. "Thank you, Master Yoda." He left the kitchen, weariness in his steps.

As soon as he was gone, Yoda turned sharp eyes on Qui-Gon. "Something to say, you have." It was not a question.

Qui-Gon took a deep breath and nodded. "I have a lot to say, Master Yoda." He took the small being onto his back and went into the common room.

He said all that he wanted to, presented his findings so far, and was waiting for Yoda's response when Obi-Wan stepped into the room an hour later. He looked better, his eyes bright again.

"Punctual you are," Yoda said approvingly. "Outside for us you must wait."

Obi-Wan bowed and strode past them. As soon as the door shut behind him, Yoda turned back to Qui-Gon. "Much to think on I have," he said slowly. "Wait you must also."

Qui-Gon nodded. "Of course," he said. Patience, his mind sighed.

Yoda snorted indelicately and left the house. Qui-Gon remained where he knelt. He had some things to think on, too.

About mid-afternoon, Qui-Gon staggered and fell against the wall, gripping it to keep on his feet as a wave of anger, hate, and despair all slammed into him. He remained against the wall until he felt stronger, then ran for the door.

Outside, he found Obi-Wan huddled against the wall of the house in an almost familiar position, staring wide-eyed at Yoda. Yoda stood quietly before him, leaning on his gimer stick, apparently unruffled by the strongly negative feelings and the dark Force swirling around the boy. "Let it go you must," the Jedi Master said calmly without taking his eyes off the teenager. "Flow through you it will, and released you will be."

Qui-Gon didn't move in spite of his rather surprising urge to go and try to comfort the boy. Obi-Wan was beginning to calm down on his own, the Force around him lightening and becoming less agitated, and when Yoda threw a look at Qui-Gon, he reluctantly went back inside.

He sank down on the rug again, prepared to meditate on what he was feeling. He didn't want a another Padawan, and Yoda was well aware of his feelings on the subject. But he could not explain this... need to defend the boy he'd just seen cowering against the wall outside. He glanced through the windows but could not see Yoda and Obi-Wan, and firmly closed his eyes. He definitely needed to do some thinking.

They were up late, discussing Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon handed the tea he'd just made to Yoda, and sat down on the floor across from him. "I really don't know why someone would do this to him," he said. "The boy isn't dangerous."

"Not dangerous you believe?" Yoda asked. "Dangerous his emotions are."

Qui-Gon didn't know what to say, so he sipped at his own tea. "But what caused those emotions?" he asked. "He had a nightmare last night, after I'd spoken with you. I told you what had happened afterwards, but it still worries me. I'm not sure that the emotions are his."

"His, the emotions are," Yoda said firmly.

Qui-Gon grunted in frustration. "But there is something wrong," he asserted. "It just felt... wrong."

"Wrong it is. Laid traps someone has in his mind," Yoda said quietly, but his green eyes were fierce. "More dangerous he could become."

Qui-Gon nodded, relieved. "How do we disarm the traps?" he asked.

"An idea have I," Yoda said, and then declared it was late. Qui-Gon accepted the admonition to go to bed. "Work hard tomorrow you will," Yoda told him as they parted. "Prepared you must be." Qui-Gon was beyond questioning Yoda, and so went to sleep, wondering what exactly this hard work would entail.


	11. "I Wish that I Could Cry" - Five for Fighting, Superman (It's Not Easy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan has to face his fears

Obi-Wan woke late. He knew it because the sun outside his window was on the grass of the yard where he could see it down by the edge of the forest. He moved slowly, reluctant to get out of bed. He was more nervous about facing Master Yoda this morning than he had been the day before. Of course, yesterday he'd nearly attacked the small Master. At least he had slept well last night. Maybe that would make a difference.

But when he emerged from his room, there was no sign of the small Jedi Master. Qui-Gon knelt on the edge of the rug in the common room and the calm Obi-Wan felt from him eased his nerves a little. Still hesitant, he joined his teacher in meditation, calming down.

"Yoda believes he knows how to help you," Qui-Gon said after a while. The sun had warmed Obi-Wan, and he welcomed it.

"How?"

"Your Masters, we believe, placed little bombs in your mind, like the one that went off yesterday. Yoda was prepared for it, but someone else might not be. He thinks it will be best if we set them off now, while we're prepared and are expecting them."

"What are they?" Obi-Wan asked softly.

Qui-Gon paused, and Obi-Wan could feel him reaching out for answers. "I'm not sure," he said softly. "But Yoda said it was as if... bombs, for lack of a better word, had been placed in your mind, and when a specific event happens, it triggers the rather negative feelings that were placed in that bomb."

Obi-Wan's brow furrowed. "They... put bombs in my mind?" he asked.

"That was the best way to describe it," Qui-Gon said neutrally.

Obi-Wan thought it over. "You think it would be best to set them off now?" He wasn't sure how he felt about it, but then Qui-Gon was right. Master Yoda had been prepared, and if someone else wasn't, it could do someone serious damage. What that damage might be, he didn't know. Except he had attacked Qui-Gon. Maybe it was something similar to that.

Qui-Gon shifted, turning to face him. "It may be painful."

Obi-Wan looked up and met his eyes. "Will I have control again?" he asked.

"Of your mind? Yes."

It made him tremble a little. "When do we start?"

"Right after breakfast."

Obi-Wan swallowed and wondered if the Master could tell how frightened he was. "What do we do?"

"First, breakfast," Qui-Gon said, getting to his feet and extending a hand to help Obi-Wan up. "Then we start where you are most afraid."

Qui-Gon made him finish at least two bowls of the oatmeal. He was so nervous that his stomach was twisting, but he managed to get it all down. Then they settled back on the rug in the sunlight.

"What do I do?" Obi-Wan asked. His hands twisted in his lap. Qui-Gon's statement before breakfast had made him nervous, and that feeling had only grown as he tried to eat.

"Become my Padawan."

Obi-Wan stared. That was certainly the last thing he'd expected. After a long minute, he nodded, wondering what would happen this time. Just working with the Force with Master Yoda yesterday had set off a storm of negative feelings, and he'd nearly attacked Master Yoda the way he'd attacked Qui-Gon. Who knew what this would bring? He had a feeling it wouldn't be good.

The training bond snapped into place, and Obi-Wan froze. He was just beginning to relax when he felt something strange happening, and before long, he felt like every nerve was on fire. Qui-Gon's hand on his shoulder only made it worse there, and he flinched away.

"Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's voice sounded in his ears, in his head. "You can stop it."

He became aware that his breaths were short, his heart pounding, and he closed his eyes. Trembling, he focused, drew the Force around him, and accepted the pain. It flared and he nearly screamed, but then something snapped in his mind and the pain was gone.

Well, not completely. His skin tingled and he had a headache that, when he opened his eyes, made him groan and close them again.

"Was that it?" Qui-Gon asked softly. There was a note in his voice that made Obi-Wan believe he was in pain, too.

"I think so." Even speaking hurt. He was glad Qui-Gon didn't ask how he knew. He didn't think he could have explained it.

"I'm glad. Bed?"

"Oh, yeah." He could not articulate more, no matter how disrespectful it might be.

"Can you get up?"

Movement caused more pain. He slit his eyes open and started to rise, only to lose his balance and fall against Qui-Gon. 'Master,' the thought came, unbidden, but without the insistence that had accompanied those thoughts with his first three Masters. It was a little unnerving, and he would have moved away from the larger man, only he couldn't. It simply hurt too bad.

"Only until this pain passes," Qui-Gon said gently, helping him to his feet. Obi-Wan swayed dangerously and gripped his head with a moan.

"My head feels like it's going to burst," he muttered.

"I think you got it worse than I," Qui-Gon said, and gently prodded Obi-Wan forward. He moved stiffly, painfully, but he did move and eventually collapsed onto his sleep couch. He was asleep in an instant.

When he woke, the pain had reverted to a dull ache in his right temple. He got up stiffly and made his way into the front room. It was strange to have this bond, and to actually be able to find his Master - even if a temporary one - through it. Then he remembered Qui-Gon's response to his unconscious thought, and wondered what it would be like to have a Master like Qui-Gon Jinn. He dismissed the thought immediately. He didn't know if he wanted another Master. Ever.

Qui-Gon was already in the common room, kneeling on the rug. Actually, for all Obi-Wan knew, the Master had never left. He'd fallen asleep so deeply he was certain a herd of bantha could have run past outside and he wouldn't have heard them, never mind the movements of one human. The Knight looked up when Obi-Wan stepped into the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Worked over," Obi-Wan told him almost ruefully.

"I bet you do." Qui-Gon motioned for Obi-Wan to join him and he did, looking up at the Jedi in curiosity. "I have been thinking," Qui-Gon said after a moment of silence. "Breaking this bond may do something as well, I don't know. So be prepared."

Obi-Wan felt the training bond go. To his surprise, the sensation was strange, very different from the last three times it had happened, and for the first time he was sorry to feel it go. Master Denk had actually….

Guilt and despair filled his mind so quickly he couldn't catch his breath. The feelings were familiar, and he suddenly realized why he'd felt so down each time he'd been repudiated. None of those feelings had been his, all the guilt and despair he'd felt every time. Anger filled him, warring with the guilt, and he let it go, replacing it with determination. He became aware that he was muttering under his breath "I did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong." The words were almost a mantra. He flinched as pain sharpened in his temple, but something in his mind had snapped. He let his breath go with a gasp. "That's another one," he said with considerable satisfaction.

"Good. Hungry?"

It came out without a thought. "Starving. Dumb question."

Qui-Gon lifted an eyebrow, and Obi-Wan flushed. "Sorry." His muscles tightened in reflex, waiting for the blow that was sure to fall. He'd said something like that after two weeks with Master Sorin, and the punishment had been severe. The blows had been less painful than the rest of his punishment. He didn't remember much more than pain he hadn't been able to control.

"I thought so," Qui-Gon said. "Come on." He got to his feet and went to the kitchen.

Obi-Wan stood and trailed after him, still tense, still nervous, wondering what would happen to him now. He found himself helping with lunch, woodenly doing the random tasks he was given.

"Yoda said you used to do that a lot," Qui-Gon said after they'd sat down. Obi-Wan flinched in reflex and then looked at him, eyes wide.

"Do what?"

Qui-Gon hesitated, a smile twitching his lips. "He called it expressing your individuality."

Obi-Wan ducked his head, and Qui-Gon chuckled. "It's not bad, Obi-Wan. It's what makes each Jedi special."

Obi-Wan bit his lip. If that's the truth, he thought, then why did my Masters try to beat it out of me?

"I believe there are at least two more bombs," Qui-Gon said, getting back to the business at hand. Obi-Wan was actually glad of the proof that the Knight was not in his mind this time - if he ever had been. He was beginning to think that Qui-Gon had never been in his mind, and like his room, would not enter unless asked. The coincidences that one day had been just that. "There may be more than that, but these two we can get rid of now."

Obi-Wan nodded and looked up. "What do I do?"

Qui-Gon smiled, a real smile with pride in it. "Now I become your Padawan."

He stared at the Master in surprise. "How do you do that?" he blurted.

"You are to establish the training bond with me," Qui-Gon explained, and at Obi-Wan's nod, explained carefully what to do.

His initial attempt failed.

"Stronger," Qui-Gon said. "You are too tentative."

"I don't want to hurt you," Obi-Wan offered, too aware of what that was like.

"I know. Don't worry. You'll do fine." He paused a minute. "Let's go back to the common room," he said, standing up. "It might help you concentrate a little."

It was some time later before he felt the training bond snap into place, but distantly. The connection was almost the same, although somewhat clearer than when he was the Padawan.

Pain sliced through his head. He noticed Qui-Gon stiffen, and the pain the older man was feeling reflected back to him through the bond. Accepting the pain - both sets - was hard. There was a small snap in his head as the pain stopped coming through from Qui-Gon, then a larger, louder snap, also in his mind, and the pain dimmed. His head pounded, but he didn't know if this headache was worse than the last one or not.

"Are you okay?" he managed to say, but the words echoed in his head and made it hurt worse.

"Yes. Are you?"

Obi-Wan gave a chuckle that sounded almost like a sob. "They must have really hated me."

Qui-Gon's hand brushed his head. "Why don't you get some sleep?"

"Only if you do." He didn't even try to get up this time. He toppled gracelessly onto his side on the rug, hearing Qui-Gon's soft laugh.

"I don't think you'll notice..." was the last he heard.

He felt worse, if that were possible, when he woke up. It took a minute to realize half of that less-than-chipper feeling wasn't his. He got to his feet and stumbled to the kitchen, pausing at the door to lean on the edge of it. Only then did he realize that he'd used the bond between them to find the older man, and he wondered what it would be like to have that kind of an open bond with anyone.

Qui-Gon looked up from the table. "You look better," he said.

"Did you sleep?" It felt weird, being the one in charge, even if it was only in his head.

"A little. A lot of things have been bothering me."

Obi-Wan made a move to step out of the doorway, only to freeze when the room swam. "We might have done too much," he said. "What do you think?"

Qui-Gon pushed himself from the table and stood with some effort. "I agree with you," he said. Obi-Wan was faintly jealous that the Knight's steps were steady as he walked across the room toward him. "Can you make it back to your room?"

Obi-Wan hesitated. "I don't know," he admitted.

Qui-Gon gave him a weary smile as he reached out to brace himself against the door jamb Obi-Wan was leaning against. "I know the feeling."

"This is very weird," Obi-Wan blurted, looking up at him, oddly pleased that Qui-Gon was as affected as he. "I can't... I don't know which is you and which is me."

"It gets easier," Qui-Gon told him. "Do you want to end it?"

"Yes. But I'm so tired I might... do something wrong..." He trailed off as Qui-Gon shook his head, gently, with a grimace of pain.

"I'll help. It's strange for me, too."

It took a much shorter time to disengage the training bond. There was a soft snap, like the others, then a thunderous one. Obi-Wan managed a startled look in Qui-Gon's direction before everything went black.


	12. "Dust Yourself Off and Try Again" - Aliyah, Try Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've gone as far as they can there.

Qui-Gon gently lay Obi-Wan on his bed and straightened slowly. Obi-Wan's words from much earlier - "They must have hated me" - haunted him. He'd gone over the transcripts and recordings again and again, searching for any evidence of fear, hate, anything that would indicate why these three men had tried so hard to destroy Obi-Wan. There was nothing. Each of them had delivered their condemnation of the boy in even, regretful tones. The Council members behind the Master/Padawan pair had not reacted to any anger or anything, so he could only guess those emotions had not been there.

Of course, he had to admit, finding something the Council hadn't noticed was unlikely at best.

It occurred to him just how proud he'd been of Obi-Wan all day. The boy had hesitated only a couple of times before meeting the challenge he'd been given head on. He smiled and shook his head, slowly. It still ached from the pain that had hit them both. He knew Masters who would have handled that worse than this Initiate, and he wondered what would happen to Obi-Wan. The thought crossed his mind that maybe he could take the boy... He shook his head, harder this time, and the pain drove the thought from his mind.

He started for the kitchen, where he'd left his datapad of notes, but paused in his own doorway long enough to realize he needed more sleep, too. Especially if he were considering taking another apprentice.

When he woke the next morning and checked on his student, Obi-Wan hadn't moved. A quick probe with the Force showed that he was deeply asleep. It was no cause for alarm. With a smile, the Knight went in to collect the information he'd gathered.

There was a lot of it, now, especially after the experiences yesterday. He still had to talk to Obi-Wan and see if they could figure out what had made him collapse like that. The picture he was building was not a pretty one. He gathered everything up and returned it to his room, then went back to the common area. It made him feel much better that Yoda knew almost all of his findings about Obi-Wan. The diminutive Master had listened closely for the hour Obi-Wan had slept when he'd visited... only two days ago. It felt like much longer.

It was midmorning before Obi-Wan emerged from his bedroom, blinking in the sunlight that came in through the big picture window. Qui-Gon looked at him as he sank down on the rug next to him. "How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts a little, but I'll be okay."

Qui-Gon nearly frowned at the boy's automatic dismissal of his state of health. "What happened?" he asked instead. He still wasn't sure how the boy would react to a frown.

Obi-Wan hesitated but didn't look at him. He sat perfectly still in meditation pose, eyes closed. "I'm not sure," he admitted finally. "I was going to meditate on it, but I... slept in."

There was almost fear in his words. Not as much as there had been when they'd first began working, but it was still there. Qui-Gon wished it had never been, and then dismissed the wish. The past is gone, he repeated firmly to himself. You can do nothing about it. The future, on the other hand, he could do plenty with, and getting rid of the fear would be enough. "Of course you did," Qui-Gon said in a matter of fact tone. Obi-Wan seemed to flinch but didn't look at him. "You needed the sleep. I slept in as well." He glanced at Obi-Wan, who hadn't moved. "But don't try anything until after breakfast. Or lunch, as the case may be." He got up and pulled Obi-Wan to his feet. "Come on."

They boy was starving. Considering he'd collapsed before they'd had dinner the night before, Qui-Gon wasn't too surprised. The Knight was quite hungry himself, and they demolished lunch quickly.

They took the afternoon easy, holding an abbreviated saber practice and then meditating in the quiet of the front yard. The day was peaceful, a necessary break after the events of the day before. Qui-Gon noticed the boy's occasional glances but didn't comment on them. He didn't know what he was looking for, but was determined that Obi-Wan find no condemnation.

The next morning after breakfast, Qui-Gon decided he would find out first what had happened to Obi-Wan that had made him collapse. He invited Obi-Wan to join him in the common room for that purpose. Then, he thought, they would begin building shields on the boy to keep out anyone who thought they could invade his mind.

Before he could ask, Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "I'm still not sure what happened yesterday," he said softly. "I think..." He paused. "When the bond went, there was a feeling of... disappointment, somehow, that wasn't mine." His head tilted slightly to the side as if considering what to say next. "There was a loud snap, like the others when one of the bombs went off," he continued, "But this one was deafening, and the pain in my head was just too much, I guess." He glanced up at Qui-Gon, who watched him with a rapt expression. His head ducked down again. "I... my head feels better. That's not what I mean," he stuttered. His hands gestured wildly for the first time, and Qui-Gon had to suppress a smile. "I mean... the empty spaces, where I couldn't go before, they aren't there anymore. There might be more of them, that I haven't found yet," he admitted almost immediately.

Qui-Gon nodded. "We will assume there are more, for now, and simply be prepared," he said. "Thank you for explaining to me what happened." He paused a moment, turning to look out the window. "Would you like to work on your shielding?" he asked.

"Yes, sir. Please," Obi-Wan added.

They started the morning working on the shields to keep people out, but that became a secondary goal when Qui-Gon found out how weak the boy's shielding was. Instead, they worked on getting his basic shielding correct. The afternoon was spent on lightsaber practice. And so the days continued, comforting in their sameness. The only change came when Obi-Wan's basic shields were set. That became time for them to work together on mental exercises, as Obi-Wan and Bant had done. The schedule was comforting to Obi-Wan, too, Qui-Gon could tell. Not too surprising, the speed with which the boy learned increased. His confidence increased as well, and there was definite improvement in his lightsaber skills.

"Are you ready to go back to the Temple?" Qui-Gon asked one night at dinner.

Obi-Wan looked up, startled. "Back?" he asked, and his voice cracked. He flushed and dropped his eyes. Qui-Gon smothered a smile.

"Yes. The Council thinks you're ready to return."

The boy didn't answer for a moment, then he nodded. "I think I'm ready, too." Then he looked up. "Do you think I am?"

Before he answered, Qui-Gon watched him, testing the Force around him. The few shields had helped keep the boy's feelings locked up so they weren't overwhelming, but he could still tell, to some extent, what his student was feeling. What he felt was something like someone holding his breath in hope and fear. It almost made him smile; that was a new one. "I think so, yes." His shields weren't as strong as they should have been, though; the habits drummed into him by his Masters were hard to break. Qui-Gon had done what he could, but his strength was in diplomacy and lightsaber. Hopefully someone else would be able to help strengthen them when they returned to the Temple. He struggled not to let the anger at what had been done show on his face.

"Am I to go back to the student housing?"

"I don't know," Qui-Gon told him, regaining his equilibrium. "Probably, until someone chooses you again."

"And if they don't?" There was a little fear in the question, but nothing out of the ordinary; it was a common fear in the initiate dorms, after all.

"Then steps will be taken," Qui-Gon told him gently. "But the Council will be watching. Something very wrong happened with you, and they will be careful." It didn't seem to be too comforting, but Obi-Wan did not have any more questions.

"Ready to return are you?" Yoda asked when he called that night.

"Yes, Master. More importantly, I believe Obi-Wan is ready to return. He has gone as far as he can out here. The rest of the fears are there."

"There is something wrong if he is afraid of the Temple," Mace said quietly. "What can we do to help?"

Qui-Gon took a deep breath. "I understand he is finished with his studies. I believe that working in the crèche and with the healers will be good for him. He will want to continue working with his lightsaber. I am worried about his shields," he admitted. "He obviously wants to do them right but he can't seem to get rid of the habits instilled by his Masters. I think that perhaps sending him through with one of the beginning classes, he could learn it all again." He'd thought it out as well as he could, and really could only make suggestions.

"Leave it up to Master Zichri for the training on his lightsaber," Mace said.

"Work with him I will," Yoda said firmly. "To assess the necessity of again beginning."

Qui-Gon nodded, absurdly pleased. When he'd signed off, he sank down into the chair by his bed. Now that Obi-Wan was well on his way to regaining the skills he had lost, he'd find out what had made his Masters treat him so badly.


	13. "We Can't Afford to be Innocent" - Pat Benetar, Invincible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at the Temple

Returning to the Temple was not as much of a shock as Obi-Wan had thought it would be. Part of it was due to the fact that he was not in the room he'd been in for the last three years. His relief was a surprise. He still had nothing to decorate with, so the room was bare, but it was his, even if he was on a level with much younger initiates. He couldn't even bring himself to care.

He was surprised to discover that his morning schedule was no longer taken up with classes, or even with the work on his shields. He'd thought the schedule from... wherever he'd been would continue. Instead, he was to spend the first two hours after breakfast in the crèche, and then two hours with the healers, with a half hour between them. After lunch he'd be working with Master Zichri on his lightsaber technique for two hours, and then with Master Yoda on his shields, again with a half hour break between.

Obi-Wan stared in dismay at Qui-Gon, who had informed him of the change in his schedule when the Knight had walked him to his new quarters. "With the healers?" he questioned softly, doubtfully, and glanced at the door to make sure it was closed. He didn't know how many people had seen them return, and he didn't want rumors to start because someone heard this conversation.

Qui-Gon nodded firmly. "You have faced all your fears with great courage, Obi-Wan," he said gently. "Do not stop now."

Obi-Wan hesitated, a protest on his tongue, but then he dropped his head. "Yes, sir," he said.

Qui-Gon's hand fell heavily on his shoulder, and Obi-Wan felt comforted - although it was probably for the last time, he thought despondently. "You'll do well," the Jedi Knight told him.

Obi-Wan nodded, but he didn't look up, and he could not force his voice to work. He did not want to work with the Healers. He didn't want to be anywhere near them. Just in case his Masters were right.

His first day in the crèche was hectic. The crèche was separated into four rooms. The first housed the new arrivals until they were able to walk steadily on their own, and most of the beds were cribs. The greatest number of Masters worked in that room, filling it with all the love the Force could hold. There were three children per Master, and that kept those that worked in there running. The second room held mostly toddlers, children who still needed help with feeding, clothing themselves, and so on. Many of them still had to be potty trained, but most of them slept on small sleep couches. Some of the sleep couches had railings on them, both to keep wayward Initiates from escaping, and to keep the more unsteady children from falling out of bed. The third room was for the children nearly ready to receive their own quarters on the initiate floors. These children helped with the toddlers, sharing the responsibility with Master Elaida, crèche Master, and others who worked with him. The fourth room was a common play room, where most of the children spent much of their time, in play, study, and eating.

The Masters who worked in the nursery were glad for the help, and took turns sending Obi-Wan on errands that they simply did not have time to do themselves. Most of them were without a Padawan, and the two Padawan who worked there were as harried as their Masters. Hurrying back on one of his trips through the Temple, Obi-Wan wondered how long he would be able to keep this up. If nothing else, his mind went on as he slipped into the crèche, I'll know the Temple better than anyone. Well, almost anyone. He had a suspicion that Master Yoda knew nearly every stone.

The half hour between assignments was welcome. He found a small garden in which to refresh himself for a moment, firmly not thinking of the Healer's Wing, where he was to go next. But eventually, he had to move, and he made his way toward the Healer's Wing.

It took him a full fifteen minutes to get up enough courage to just step in the main door. When he did, he looked up and up at a tall, graceful, thick-set being who smiled down at him. "Welcome, Obi-Wan Kenobi," she said, and he could tell she was a she from her voice. He didn't recognize the race, but he thought he recognized her, from before. "It is good to see you."

He dropped his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm late," he stuttered, and was too frightened to be embarrassed about it.

"We understand, child. Come. I will show you where you can help."

The first step after her was the most difficult, but soon he'd caught up and trailed behind her. "My name is Theela, small one," she said, and stopped before a closed door. "There is an injured child in this room." She gestured at the door. "I believe I scare her, and there is no one else to help her right now. I hope that you will be able to calm her a little."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, more because he was sure she expected a response. It was all he could do not to bolt, how was he supposed to help the person behind the door? Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward, waited for the door to open, and stepped in as soon as it did.

The girl was Twi'lek, curled up on the couch in the small room. She looked at him in some fear, but then it eased, and she straightened enough to sit up and stare at him, unabashed. "You're a Padawan," she accused. He couldn't see where she'd been injured.

"Yes." His voice shook, and he cleared his throat. "I'm not even apprenticed to a healer," he admitted after a minute of silence.

"I don't like healers," she said quietly.

He moved a little closer and sat on the end of her couch. "I don't either, really," he said. "My name is Obi-Wan. What's yours?"

She was a few years younger than he was, or so he guessed. He didn't remember her from any of his classes, but that usually meant little. "Leil'ani," she said shyly.

"That's a very pretty name," he said. She blushed slightly. "Why are you here?"

She displayed her left arm carefully, showing him a deep cut down the length of it. "I fell off one of the rocks on the falls," she admitted sheepishly.

He paused, not sure what to say next. "I've done that," he said, then tilted his head slightly. "That doesn't seem like it would be hard to heal. Don't you think they could do it pretty quickly?"

She shrank away from him. "She scares me."

The laugh burst out of Obi-Wan before he could help it, and Leil'ani glared at him angrily. "It's not funny," she snapped, scowling at him.

He sobered immediately. "I'm sorry," he said contritely. "You're right, it's not funny. I laughed because I was agreeing with you. Theela is very... large." A faint memory, almost a dream, flitted through his mind, of waking up in the Healer's wing and panicking. Theela had put her hand on his head, and there was pain - and blessed darkness. He shook his head slightly to rid himself of the image.

The girl giggled suddenly. "She had to duck to get into this room," she said conspiratorially.

Obi-Wan smiled and leaned closer to her. "I bet she did," he said. He paused again, somewhat surprised to find that he'd relaxed. "But she can help you feel better," he added. "Will it help if I stay by you? While she's here?" A shy smile crossed his face. "If nothing else, I might be able to distract her while you got out."

Leil'ani perked a little. "Would you stay?"

"Of course." It came out so easily.

"Will you hold my hand? In case it hurts?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes," he said. "Shall I get her?"

Leil'ani nodded. He got up and approached the door; it slid open to reveal the healer. "Come on in," he said, and retreated back to the sleep couch. He sat much closer to Leil'ani, and before he'd managed to settle comfortably, she had his hand in a death grip.

Theela only smiled. "This should not hurt much, child," she said gently, but even so, Leil'ani leaned closer to Obi-Wan. He didn't feel Theela do anything in the Force, but it was moving so much in this place that it was hard to tell. When she was finished, the tall being stepped back. "There," she said gently. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Leil'ani shook her head, squeezed Obi-Wan's hand, and let him go. "Can I go back to class now?" she asked.

"Yes. Be more careful diving off the falls," Theela said. "Your instructor is waiting for you."

Leil'ani leaned closer to Obi-Wan. "Thanks," she whispered. "If you need someone to hold your hand sometime, let me know."

He smiled nervously at her, and watched her leave the room.

"Well done, small one," Theela said. "Come. There is more for you to do."

Getting up, he followed the Healer from the room.

He made his escape for lunch, still not sure why he'd been assigned the healers. Working with the Healers, or in the crèche, were not within the typical initiate's circulation of duties; those mostly included helping with meals, laundry, house cleaning, mending, things like that. However, as it kept him from having to help at meals, he supposed it could not be all bad. At least, he hoped not. Arriving in the cafeteria, he sank down thankfully across from Bant, relieved to be away from the Healer's Wing. Okay, maybe he would rather help with lunch.

"Are you okay?" she asked, leaning forward so that the students around them couldn't hear. The table they'd found was full, somewhere in the middle of the cafeteria, and it made him feel... safe. He'd forgotten how much he missed the noise, both of voices and in the feeling of the Force, around him.

"Yes," he said quietly as the stress of the morning finally left him.

"What are you doing this afternoon?"

"I'm supposed to work with Master Zichri," he said. Bant nodded.

"And then?"

"With Master Yoda," he reported. "Knight Jinn has been helping me with my shields, and now Master Yoda is going to help me." He hadn't let himself consider why the Knight had left him in other's hands. It would be too depressing.

Bant nodded. "You look happier, Obi-Wan. I'm glad."

Before he could answer, a tall Foilani woman stopped behind Bant and looked down at him. The indecipherable look in her eyes made him distinctly uncomfortable. "You are Obi-Wan Kenobi," she said, deep disapproval in her tone.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, and his eyes dropped to the table top. He wanted to get out from under her gaze, so uncomfortable that it was all he could do not to squirm.

"You have returned."

"Yes, ma'am," he repeated dully, his hands clenched together under the table.

"Good." There was a longish pause, but then she swept off, along the table toward the door on the side of the room. Obi-Wan shuddered.

"Who was that?" Bant asked in a hushed whisper, and Obi-Wan was surprised to find that most of the rest of the table was as quiet as they were. The Jedi's displeasure had been made well known.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "I don't know," he said in the same tone. "But I do know I hope I never see her again."

Bant nodded emphatically.

The lesson in the work-out salle was refreshing. Obi-Wan moved quickly through each lightsaber form the Master asked of him, but at the end, he just sighed. "You've been working with Master Jinn." It was more a statement than a question.

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said.

"Very well. Let me see exactly what he has taught you."

The spar was short. Obi-Wan hadn't expected it to be any longer, really, but Master Zichri nodded his approval. "Good. You haven't forgotten much, if anything." He smiled at Obi-Wan, who looked at him askance. He didn't like the look of that smile.

He'd been right. He was released late, drenched in sweat, and told to clean up before meeting with Master Yoda. Obi-Wan went, feeling tired but invigorated. The workout had been something he'd enjoyed, especially now that he had a decent lightsaber. After a quick wash in the 'fresher, he was off to work on his shields. He arrived at the proscribed room only a couple of minutes late, and Yoda eyed him speculatively as he knelt before the diminutive Master.

"Late you are."

"Yes, Master. I'm sorry." He really didn't know what to think. It had been some time since he'd done any work with Yoda, aside from the rather tumultuous time a few weeks ago.

"Why?"

Obi-Wan grimaced slightly. "My training with Master Zichri went longer than he had planned, and he told me to clean up first."

Yoda nodded and led the way in to the small room. "Very well. Let us begin."

Obi-Wan struggled. Building shields had been difficult with Qui-Gon, and it hadn't gotten any easier, even if he knew he could trust Master Yoda. He would begin without the spikes the Master had told him were ineffective, but as soon as something brushed his shields, the spikes reappeared, leaving his mind open. It happened again and again, his jaw tightening with determination each time.

"Obi-Wan," Yoda said after a while. "Relax you must. Trying too hard you are."

Trying too hard? Obi-Wan stared at the small Master before him, confused.

"Peace you must find," Yoda said firmly. "Now."

Obediently, Obi-Wan closed his eyes and sank quickly into the first stages of meditation, releasing his frustration into the Force. Slowly, muscles in his back loosened, and the dull headache he hadn't even noticed vanished.

"Now," Yoda said softly, infinitely patient, "a wall envision."

By dinner, Obi-Wan was exhausted. He made his way slowly to the dining hall and sank down across from Bant again. She smiled at him but said nothing, offering only her companionship. He was glad he had such a good friend.

By the end of the week, the Masters in the nursery had run out of errands for him, and he began to work with the children. It became easier to be around the healers as well, and no longer took him so long to get in the door. For the first time since he'd been chosen by Master Sorin, everything seemed to be going right.

Until one day he forgot to tuck his Padawan braid into his tunic before reporting to the crèche, as Master Elaida had warned him his first day. Within ten minutes of his arrival, a small boy, just learning to walk, pulled himself up on Obi-Wan' right arm. He was used to it, since he now spent most of his time on the floor with the children, and so paid no attention to him. The little boy reached up, grasped the thin braid, and pulled.

The reaction was automatic. Obi-Wan froze, fear and pain echoing through the Force around him, and he was unable to control it. The echo of his fear set the children crying, each of them reacting to it, but he could not move, not even to comfort the little boy who leaned on his right arm, the braid gripped in his pudgy hand. Abruptly, the pressure was gone from his arm, his braid released, and Obi-Wan was free to move. He lurched to his feet and fled.

Obi-Wan didn't know exactly where he was going, and didn't see anyone else in the hallways. He found himself in a small garden halfway across the Temple. He crashed to his knees, struggling for calm, trying to get some semblance of control. Slowly, the fear eased, and he began to breath easier. It took some time - he didn't know exactly how long - but eventually he was able to release the fear and pain into the Force.

When he'd calmed down and regained some control, he returned to the crèche. He was ashamed but he wanted to make amends, if that were possible. One of the other Jedi among the playing children send him to where Master Elaida sat among a small group of them. He gestured for Obi-Wan to sit down. As soon as he did, a small Foilani girl climbed into his lap before he'd even settled himself. She looked up at him with wide purple eyes before reaching slowly up to his face. Her fingers touched his cheek, then to his complete surprise, she nestled into his chest and promptly fell asleep. His arms wrapped around her to steady her without a conscious thought.

"They recover quickly," Master Elaida said softly, indicating the children around them. "What scared you so badly?"

Obi-Wan was trapped, unable to move. Aside from the Foilani girl on his lap, a Wookie child leaned on one side, and a human girl was curled up in the small of his back. It sounded like she was contentedly sucking her thumb. He sighed. "Your friend pulled my braid." He gestured at the small boy in the Master's lap, one hand gripping his robe, and tried not to wince at how lame it sounded. He really didn't want to have to explain.

Master Elaida nodded sagely. "Master Jinn said you might have problems with that."

Obi-Wan flushed. He was definitely relieved that he didn't have to explain, but that Qui-Gon had done it for him was a little uncomfortable.

"He asked for my help, in fact," the Jedi Master went on. "Eliminating your fear will probably take some time."

"Patience," the young Jedi murmured, frustration tingeing his voice.

"Yes, Obi-Wan. Patience."


	14. "How Can it Happen" - Colors, One & Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qui-Gon talks to one of the previous Masters

Qui-Gon was somehow not surprised to find that all three of Obi-Wan's former masters were on assignment. He tracked Yoda down, grim with determination. He wanted to find out what the men had done to the boy, and why, and how they'd kept it a secret from everyone in the Temple. Well, maybe that wasn't so hard. There were ten thousand Knights, and it could have been a simple case of not meeting the same one more than once or twice. Although how his teachers had never noticed, Qui-Gon didn't know. He paused outside the small Master's door, then knocked sharply.

Yoda didn't look surprised to see him, and beckoned him into the apartment. Qui-Gon followed the little Master, and sat down in a chair when he was directed. It was the only chair big enough for someone not Master Yoda's size. It sat in a corner away from the door. Against the wall to one side, near the kitchenette, a table was shoved against the wall, two chairs on either side. Qui-Gon tried to imagine his Master sitting there, on the floor as a Padawan, and it almost made him smile. It also reminded him of why he was there, and turned back to Yoda, who had settled himself comfortably in a small chair next to the one Qui-Gon sat in. Yoda's chair lifted with a soft hum so that he could see Qui-Gon's eyes. "I would like to speak with Knight Sorin," Qui-Gon said without preamble.

Yoda sighed gently, ears twitching back slightly. "Why wish this do you?"

"Because there is much more to this... situation," Qui-Gon said quietly. "Obi-Wan is still scared." Everyone had heard about what had happened in the crèche.

"Hm. Very intent you are. Personal is it?"

Qui-Gon just barely managed not to squirm. As usual, Yoda had turned the topic exactly where he did not want it to go. "No, Master," he said, and decided it was time to let Yoda know how he felt. "Somehow, we didn't notice that a Padawan was being beaten into submission," he said bluntly. "We missed how the Force was used to subdue and hurt him. I feel that the Jedi have failed Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I do not like the feeling."

Yoda's ears drew back further, and his wrinkled forehead grew more furrowed. "Understand, I do, and agree," he said finally. "Recalled to the Temple is Knight Denk. Speak with him you should also."

"And Toman?"

"To return soon. Almost finished his mission is. Knight Sorin will be recalled tomorrow."

Qui-Gon nodded. "Thank you, Master Yoda." He stood, bowed, and started out.

"Master Qui-Gon," Yoda said, and he stopped, turning to face him. "Well you have done with the boy," Yoda said. "Continue you will?"

Qui-Gon smiled. "Yes, Master," he said, and left the apartment.

His patience was stretched to the limit by the wait for Denk to return. He spent some of it observing Obi-Wan, watching the boy with the children in the crèche, and with his friends during meals. The boy seemed to be happier and was more animated than he had been, and Qui-Gon was glad. According to all of the Masters the boy was working with, he was progressing well. Master Elaida had only good things to say, although Master Zichri blamed Qui-Gon for confusing Obi-Wan in the lightsaber forms. Still, even Master Yoda thought he was gaining the control he'd lost. And Theela had only good things to say about him. Obi-Wan worked hard, Qui-Gon mused one night. He'd make someone a good Padawan. He got up abruptly and busied himself with something to eat before his mind could go to the next logical step - that he take the boy as his own.

Three days after Qui-Gon's conversation with Yoda, Denk arrived. Qui-Gon waited as long as his waning patience would let him, not wanting to rush the man, but then he tracked him down. He'd never met this Knight, and had only seen the effects of his treatment of his Padawan. Every time he remembered that, he had to stop to dismiss the animosity he felt for him. It happened more than once.

The Knight who opened the door did not look much different than he had when he'd repudiated Obi-Wan. He lifted an eyebrow but stepped back to let Qui-Gon in. "Master Jinn. How can I help you?" He closed the door.

Qui-Gon took a deep breath. "Tell me about Obi-Wan Kenobi's apprenticeship to you." There was little of comfort in the room; his own common area had a soft couch and two overstuffed chairs. Everything in this room was wood, but not warm or inviting.

Denk looked at him, confused. "What do you want to know?"

"You said he was disobedient. What did you mean?"

"I said..." Denk's face darkened. "Why are you asking?"

"Obi-Wan collapsed a few weeks ago. Master Yoda has asked me to find out why."

Denk took a deep breath, and he sounded almost resigned. "Sit down, please."

Qui-Gon took the proffered seat, wondering how anyone could be comfortable on these chairs and watching the younger master as he sat down as well. "How was he disobedient?" Denk repeated.

"Yes."

Denk leaned back. "It was a constant battle to get him up in the morning. Any work with the Force was a fight. He could not find any information on the missions we were sent on. It was simply easier to work without a Padawan."

"How was his performance on your missions?"

Denk sighed shortly. "Oh, good enough, I suppose," he said doubtfully. "He was quiet while I took care of everything, but he never seemed to pay much attention to what was going on. What was the most infuriating," he said, his tone intensifying as he leaned forward, "was that he'd question what I'd done. I wondered more than once if he'd even grasped the rudiments of what I was doing."

Qui-Gon nodded. "Did he ever... get smart with you?"

Denk blinked, startled. "Get smart with me?" he asked blankly.

"Yes. I asked him something, and he responded with "dumb question." Did he ever do that with you?"

Denk shook his head. "Not very often, and only near the beginning of our work together." There was steel in his voice. "I have little patience for that kind of behavior."

Qui-Gon took a deep breath and let it out, willing himself not to do something he'd regret. "What kind of discipline did you use?" He was almost afraid of what he'd hear.

Denk paused. "The standard didn't work with him," he said slowly. "More meditation, extra studies, even extra work... I found him asleep if he were assigned meditation, and Jocasta sent him back more times than I can count. She sent him once with a message that the Archives weren't a place to sleep." He shrugged. "I couldn't control him."

Qui-Gon knew the Knight was holding information back. What Denk said, how he described Obi-Wan, was simply not what he'd observed in the boy. "Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?"

Denk leaned back. "Oh, he tried," he said, almost reluctantly. "I was surprised, actually, that he'd been chosen so young. He was just short of twelve when I took on his training. He couldn't hold his own in a battle with an Initiate his age." He paused a moment, then shook his head.

Qui-Gon nodded slowly. "Why did you take him as your Padawan?"

Denk smiled slightly. "The potential. He fairly shone with it, but I couldn't tap it." His smile widened. "Is your interest personal?" he asked.

Qui-Gon started slightly, caught off guard. "No," he said. "I'm conducting an investigation for Yoda."

Denk nodded. "You said Obi-Wan collapsed?"

"His friend found him unconscious in his room just after Toman repudiated him."

Denk leaned forward, surprised. "Obi-Wan is no longer Padawan?"

"No."

"Hm." Denk said, and there seemed to be a sadness about him. "I wish him luck."

"Thank you, Master Denk," Qui-Gon said, and got to his feet. "May I speak to you again, if I have more questions?"

"Of course," Denk said.

Qui-Gon opened the door and stepped back. A half-familiar Foilani woman stood just outside the door, and looked startled to see him. Then she frowned, and he recognized the expression as she stepped out of the way. "I'm sorry," he said courteously. "I didn't realize you were here." It was the woman who had frowned so fiercely when he reported what he'd found when sent after Obi-Wan.

"It's quite all right, Master Jinn," she said, her voice musical. He had to smile in response; he'd forgotten that members of her race often spoke in sing-song. They could be very pleasant to hear.

"You have an advantage over me," he said. "I do not know your name."

"Of course," she said. "I'm sorry. I am Di'ona."

"I'm pleased to meet you, Di'ona," he said, and stepped from the doorway, starting for the lift. Turning the corner, his skin crawling, he glanced back. She was staring after him, that same expression of anger on her face.


	15. "Mercy in Your Eyes" - Dream Theater, Another Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan continues to improve, and to wonder what will happen to him

Obi-Wan blocked the strike, but the strength behind the opposing lightsaber drove him back a step, knocking him off balance. When the other blade withdrew, so did he, backing away from it to get his balance back. He tripped over his own feet and went down.

It was all too familiar; the lightsaber fell from his hands and he twisted to try to catch himself, glad that at least he had been allowed to wear his thin training tunic this time. To his surprise, there was no pressure in the small of his back, no burn, and he got quickly to his feet.

"Are you alright?"

He stared at Master Zichri with incomprehension. The Master looked back at him, his own lightsaber powered down, a worried expression on his face. "Obi-Wan. Are you alright?"

"Y-yes," he stuttered, and looked down, searching for his fallen lightsaber. He picked it up. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"For what?" the Master asked. "You're a growing boy, and I remember well how it is at your age, to be uncomfortable in your own body." He smiled reassuringly at him. "It's to be expected. Now, let's try that again."

With a hesitant nod, Obi-Wan activated his lightsaber again and found his stance.

This time, the form went without a hitch, and when they finished, Master Zichri turned off his lightsaber. "Very good," he said as Obi-Wan deactivated his own blade and bowed.

"Thank you," he said, still confused.

The Master paused a moment. "I was asked to make sure you regained the basic skills you seemed to have lost," he explained gently. "Today you have proved to me that you have done so. Your time with me is finished." He smiled, and Obi-Wan stared at him, stupefied. "You are to return here tomorrow," Master Zichri went on. "There will be someone else to continue your training."

"Why?" he asked, surprised that he'd spoken his thoughts.

"Because Master Jinn said you enjoyed working with the lightsaber," the Master said with a smile. "He requested that you be allowed to continue to learn, even though you don't yet have a Master to continue your training."

Obi-Wan bowed again, trying to hide the flush that crept up his cheeks. "Yes, sir," he said. "Thank you."

"Go get cleaned up."

The shower felt good, but he didn't have the time to linger. He had to meet Master Yoda.

To his surprise, it was not Master Yoda who waited for him. Instead, the tall, imposing figure of Master Mace Windu stood inside the room. Obi-Wan slowed, still out of reach, and paused in the doorway. Not that distance made a difference, he thought, watching the Master warily. "I'm supposed to meet Master Yoda here," he said, although it was more than half a question.

"You'll be working with me today," Mace said.

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, Master." He stepped hesitantly into the room and made his way to where Master Windu waited for him.

Master Windu taught differently than Master Yoda. Obi-Wan struggled to follow his instructions, building a wall brick by brick instead of envisioning it complete. Still, the spikes reappeared when the shield was touched, but it seemed to take longer. Maybe he was imagining things.

By dinner he was exhausted again. When he was dismissed, he walked toward the door, wishing he could simply collapse where he was and sleep, and the memory of the white rug in the cabin - and missing it and the time spent there - made him want to cry. Qui-Gon stood outside the door, and he halted in confusion.

"How are you doing, Obi-Wan?" the Knight asked.

Obi-Wan smiled wearily. "Better, I think. Thank you."

"Go have dinner," Mace directed him. Obi-Wan bowed to them both and went, catching a last glance of the two Masters meeting in the room. Bant smiled at him when he sank into the seat across from her in the food hall, but she seemed to see his exhaustion and waited until he'd cleaned half his plate before beginning to engage him in conversation.

He felt better once he'd eaten something, and suggested that they go swimming in the Room of Ten Thousand Fountains. Bant thought it was an excellent idea, and soon the two of them floated contentedly in the pool at the bottom of the falls.

"Is it getting better?" Bant asked. She swam more than floated, really, circling him with an ease of which he had long since given up being jealous. It was just not worth their friendship that she had been born a better swimmer than he.

"Depends on what you mean," he said lethargically. "I'm better with my lightsaber, and managed to get through all the forms today. I'm not sure what it means that I worked with Master Windu today," he added, but he was too tired to be concerned.

"You didn't work with Master Yoda?" She'd paused and floated near him in the water, one eye looking anxiously at him.

"No. But I don't know if it'll be a regular thing, or what." He sighed. "But I can't seem to get it right. They both told me I was trying too hard. How do you try too hard?"

She chuckled. "I don't know, but it sounds like something they'd say, doesn't it?"

He stared at her, then grinned. "Yeah, it does."

"How about your work in the crèche?"

The good mood faded. He wasn't ready to answer her immediately, so he rolled over and dove into the water, enjoying the feeling of it in his hair, flowing past his body. He came up shortly and settled himself on his back again, and she joined him. "It's going better," he hedged. "I never realized how much little ones like to pull on things."

"Pull on things?" she asked.

"Like Padawan braids." He waved his at her, and it caused it him loose his balance. It took him a minute to find his balance again.

"Why don't you just tuck it into your tunic?"

Obi-Wan grimaced, then looked at her. "Master Sorin used to pull it all the time, to hurt," he said softly, and his eyes drifted from hers. "It felt sometimes like he would rip it off. And sometimes," he added, his voice dropping, "he'd pull that hard when I couldn't move. That was worse than when he hit me."

Bant said nothing, and he didn't dare look at her. "I can't be afraid of that." His voice was stronger, determined, when he continued after a moment of silence. "Master Elaida told me not to hide it, that it would help. The children pull on it, but they have no malicious intent."

"That's true," Bant agreed. "So it's getting easier to take?"

"Yeah..." His voice trailed off at the sudden unease he felt. His eyes were drawn to the top of the falls. Someone stood up there, probably a Knight, but he couldn't make out who it was. Only then did he realize how dark the lighting banks had become. Beside him, Bant's hands moved uncertainly in the water.

"Let's go," she said, and he could tell she was as uncomfortable as he was.

"Yes," Obi-Wan said, and they struck for shore. Wrapping themselves in large, warm towels, they left the room and started through the halls toward their quarters.

"What will you do?" Bant asked once they'd reached their floor.

"Keep studying. I mean, until I get sent to the Agri-Corps." It just slipped out. He was sure he was destined to study crops; he'd really messed up.

"Do you really think they'd do that?" Bant asked doubtfully.

Obi-Wan smiled at her. "Probably. I mean, after I've failed three Masters, who would want me? And how many second chances does a person really deserve? I had two." He shrugged. "But it won't be so bad."

He left her standing in the hall when he went into his room, knowing she didn't understand. In the light of the last two years, he wasn't sure he wanted to be Padawan again. Then the random thought he'd had in that cabin made him pause. What would it be like to be Padawan to someone like Master Jinn? He'd seemed kind, and fair, and certainly had never punished him for doing something wrong...

The laughter burst out of him, bitter. Of course he hadn't. What would be the purpose in that? The idea was for Obi-Wan to trust him. Another thought shook him, and the laughter stopped. He had been corrected. He remembered now the look Master Qui-Gon had given him when he'd smarted back to him, and it had been enough of a correction that he hadn't done it again. And not because he was afraid of being hit; he'd actually cared what the Master had thought of him.

He sighed and sank down on his sleep couch. It was all so confusing! He didn't know what to think any more.


	16. "Cold on Ice, It's a Dead Man's Touch" - Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band, Blue on Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is definitely after Obi-Wan.

I'm late, Qui-Gon thought in frustration, making his way through the hallways to the room to which he'd been assigned. He'd just had a very uninformative meeting with Sorin and he struggled to release the negative feelings into the Force. He simply could not have them around for the next couple of hours. "I wish I could... make them tell me what happened," he muttered, and shook his head when he realized he'd spoken out loud. That was impossible. Someone, somehow, was going to have to get Obi-Wan to open up.

And speaking of Obi-Wan...

The boy stood outside the training room, still as he had been taught. Or as he'd been trained through pain, Qui-Gon thought angrily. Tendrils of the Force quested down the hallway past him, so thin that he barely felt it, and he could see Obi-Wan's eyes moving back and forth, trying to see to either side of him without moving his head. There was no fear in the Force, but the boy's stiff stance and his eye movements proclaimed uncertainty and fear. The anger he hadn't released swelled, and Qui-Gon paused. Taking a deep breath, he again released frustration and anger into the Force and was able to approach the boy in serenity. "Good afternoon."

Obi-Wan nodded, his stance relaxing slightly, but Qui-Gon could see a smile tugging on his lips. "Good afternoon, Master Jinn," he responded.

"It is good to see you. Shall we go in?"

Obi-Wan's eyes widened, and he nodded. "Yes, sir," he said, and followed the Jedi inside.

They warmed up together. Qui-Gon watched the boy, noticing how he moved freer and seemed happier. But then he'd always been happy when working with the lightsaber. Still, the return to the Temple appeared to have been a good move.

"Thank you for speaking with Master Elaida," Obi-Wan said as they finished warming up.

Qui-Gon smiled slightly. "Is it helping?"

The boy gave a one-shouldered shrug. "I think so," he said. "The last time one of the children pulled my braid, I didn't make them all cry."

"Good," Qui-Gon said. He'd figured that might be the outcome, and had spoken long with the Council about the wisdom of sending Obi-Wan to work in the crèche. "And the Healers?"

Obi-Wan huffed a little. "It's not so bad. And Theela is really nice."

"Yes, she is," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan glanced at him. "May I ask you a question, Master Jinn?"

"Of course."

The boy seemed to be gathering his courage. "I worked for the last few weeks with Master Yoda on my shields," he said. "Yesterday I worked with Master Windu. Do you know why?"

Qui-Gon looked at the boy in surprise. "I do," he said. "When I explained how you had reacted when I suggested you work with Master Yoda, the Council was concerned. We determined that you should work with all of them, one on one, to make sure that if there is another incident, we catch it now, rather than later."

The relieved look that crossed Obi-Wan's face was a surprise, and then Qui-Gon realized why. Of course the boy was insecure about changing teachers, he thought. It was no wonder, after being passed from Master to Master like an unwanted puppy. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't think to explain to you what we were doing. Right now is a testing time. We are trying to see if there are any more of the bombs in your mind."

Obi-Wan tilted his head to the side, a contemplative look on his face. "It might be wise, then, for me to face the entire council at once." His voice shook slightly. "And even alone."

"Why do you think that?"

The boy took a deep breath. "If they had set up a bomb to go off when I took a Padawan," he started slowly, "Wouldn't they do the same for my first solo assignment? I mean, so that I reacted to the whole Council, and only when I faced them alone."

Qui-Gon nodded in approval. "Very good," he said. "I did not think of that. I will speak to Master Yoda and Master Windu tonight." He stretched his neck one last time, and then retrieved his lightsaber from his belt, turning it down to the lowest setting. "Shall we begin?"

The first spar was slow. He was careful, watching to see where the boy would need help in improving his technique. Having Master Zichri work with him had been a good idea; Obi-Wan was more confident in most of his moves. As soon as the spar was over, Qui-Gon shifted into teacher mode, walking Obi-Wan through exercises meant to strengthen the weaknesses he'd noticed. He'd forgotten how nice it was to instruct him; the boy was eager to learn, soaking in everything with bright eyes and a ready heart. It was seldom that he had to go over the moves twice, and he wondered how his Masters could have said he was unteachable.

By the end of the two hours, Obi-Wan looked even more invigorated than ever. "Thank you," the boy said softly. "It has been a pleasure working with you again."

Qui-Gon smiled. "Good, because I think you're stuck with me," he said. "There is no one else available, and I am not going to be sent out for a while."

The contented feeling coming from Obi-Wan was almost comical, and Qui-Gon chuckled. "Go get cleaned up. Mace warned me that he'd cook me dinner if I sent you to him sweat soaked. And I warn you," he said, leaning down to catch Obi-Wan's eyes. "He is a great Jedi Master, but he cannot cook."

Obi-Wan grinned, and then his expression sobered and he bowed. In seconds he was gone.

Qui-Gon stared after him, then took out his lightsaber again. Maybe working through basic katas would keep him from going after Toman with the green blade.

He was amazed, the next few days, at how much he looked forward to working with Obi-Wan. The two hours working with the boy became the highlight of his days. He had never had a student so adept at the weapon, not even Xanatos.

It was a week after his conversation with Sorin that he finally managed to track down Toman, and that interview made him late again for his time with Obi-Wan. He had turned onto the hallway where the training room was located when pain and fear flared out through the Force. He recognized the Force signature and sped up.

When he reached the training room, he was horrified to see Obi-Wan facing off against seven training droids. His tunic and pants were smoking, charred and bloody from where he'd been hit. Qui-Gon had the highest confidence in Obi-Wan's abilities, but he could tell that the boy was fighting the more advanced droids, and they had been set to highest setting; those were the only droids that produced such wounds. The boy simply could not keep up, although he tried, his blue lightsaber deflecting less than half of the bolts. He did not yet have the control to deactivate the droids. Leaping forward, Qui-Gon intercepted one shot and disabled the droid, but he was unable to deflect another bolt that hit Obi-Wan in the face. Obi-Wan gave a gasping cry and collapsed, his lightsaber falling, deactivated, from his limp hand. Qui-Gon jumped to stand before Obi-Wan, to intercept any other bolts with his body if need be. There were only two more bolts, neither of them aimed at him but at the boy behind him, before the remaining six droids froze in mid air.

"What happened?" Council Member Adi Gallia stood in the doorway, her hand up, and Qui-Gon could feel the Force around her. He didn't have time to wonder what she was doing there.

"I don't know." His words were clipped, angry. "Would you please get Obi-Wan to the Healers? I need to check something with these droids. May I have one of them?" The droids should have been aiming at him because they were programmed to go after whatever moved in the room. Why had they shot at Obi-Wan once he'd stopped moving?

Her eyes narrowed, but then she nodded and moved toward him. "I will do so."

"Thank you," he said. "I will meet you there."

She released one of the droids and he grabbed it with the Force as the other five dropped to the floor, deactivated. Adi knelt by Obi-Wan even as she activated her comm. Qui-Gon grabbed one of the deactivated droids as well and with a glance at the boy laying collapsed on the floor behind him, he ran.

"I don't know what you expect me to do," Miro said, looking quizzically at him. Qui-Gon gasped for breath. It had been a long run.

"I think the programming was altered," he said. "I think someone programmed them to attack a specific person. This one," he pointed to the one he held in stasis with the Force, "is still active. Adi deactivated this one."

Miro nodded shortly. "Who did they attack?"

"An initiate," Qui-Gon said. "Obi-Wan Kenobi."

The technician blinked. "Who?"

Qui-Gon took a deep breath. "An initiate I have been working with recently," he said vaguely, too pressed for time to go into the whole story, and he wanted to know how the boy was doing. "He's in the Healer's Wing right now. I was late to meet him, and they were attacking him when I arrived. I don't know how long he fought them."

Miro nodded. "Very well," he said, eyes narrowed. "If they have been reprogrammed, I will find out. And if I can, I'll find out who did it."

"That would be excellent," Qui-Gon said. "Contact me as soon as you know something." He only waited for Miro's nod before heading back toward the Healer's Wing.

When he reached the Healer's Wing, he was unnerved at the feeling in the Force, but he couldn't define how it felt, exactly. Once he was given directions to where Obi-Wan had been put, he moved quickly in that direction. Before he'd reached the room, Theela grabbed his arm in some distress. "He dropped into a healing trance before Adi brought him here," she informed him, pulling him into Obi-Wan's room. "And he keeps going deeper. I can't get him to stop. When I try, it seems to speed the process up. See if you can pull him out of it." She stopped next to the bed, and Qui-Gon inhaled sharply at how pale the boy was. The only color in his face was the burn he'd been unable to stop. It traced a line across the bridge of his nose and down his left cheek. There were barely any signs of life.

"I'll do my best," he said, and reached out to touch the boy's face, cradling Obi-Wan's chin in his own large hand.

Beginning his own trance, he slipped past Obi-Wan's crumbling shields and cast about in the Force for the bright spark that was Obi-Wan.

He caught half-glances of the events that caused the wounds that were appearing on Obi-Wan's body. If he'd been fully conscious, he would have said he caught them out of the corner of his eye. He saw enough that he had to rein in the anger that filled him. The anger would lessen his connection to the Force, and he couldn't afford that right now.

He found Obi-Wan's spark hidden in an untouched corner of the boy's mind, fading as he slid deeper and deeper into a trance. Cautiously, Qui-Gon wrapped a bit of his own Force signature around that fading spark, coaxing it back to life, gently guiding the boy back to consciousness. Obi-Wan resisted at first, pain radiating from him, but Qui-Gon added reassurance to the Force around him. Slowly, the spark brightened, then Qui-Gon heard Theela sigh in relief before he opened his eyes to smile tensely at Obi-Wan. "Welcome back," he said.

"It hurts," the boy said softly.

"I know," Qui-Gon told him, wishing he could have helped that. "But you were killing yourself."

The boy's brow furrowed. "How?" he asked.

"You kept dropping deeper into trance. You were nearly too deep, and you might not have found your way back out."

He fought to keep his eyes open. "Oh."

Qui-Gon looked up at Theela. "I'll keep him conscious," he said, a suspicion growing in his mind. "You call for Master Yoda, and for Mace. Quick. I don't think you'd better try healing him until they're here. Yoda will understand."

The Hjem left the room with a startling speed, and Qui-Gon turned his attention back to Obi-Wan, giving the boy's head a slight shake when he noticed his eyes had closed. "Stay awake," he said sternly.

Obi-Wan moaned. "Yes, sir," he said faintly, and his eyes opened, unfocused and vulnerable.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

There was a long pause. "I went in to start warming up," he said. "You were late."

"I know. I'm sorry. I was delayed. It won't happen again."

"I don't think anyone else was there, but there was a dark feeling." His brow furrowed, and he struggled to meet Qui-Gon's gaze. "I'd felt it before," he said. "The night before Bant left, when I couldn't sleep. Remember?"

Qui-Gon paused, then nodded. "Yes. You said you hadn't slept well, but it was not because of your sunburn."

"Yes. Every time I tried to go to sleep, it felt like something dark and angry was coming to get me." His words were beginning to slur, and he shifted painfully. "It felt like that."

"After the dark feeling, what happened?"

Obi-Wan swallowed, wincing slightly. "One of the probes activated," he said. "I thought it was a test or... or something. But then the second one activated, and the third..." His voice drifted off.

"I would not do that to you," Qui-Gon said, more firmly than he'd planned to. He did not want this boy to believe Qui-Gon would test him beyond his skills. It had taken so long to get him to trust, and Qui-Gon found that he did not want to lose that.

"I... I know. That's why I was so confused. I couldn't keep up when there were three," he said. "And I knew something was wrong when it hit me the first time. I tried to get out of the room." His voice dropped, almost as if he were ashamed. "I tried to leave, but then the other four activated and blocked the way."

"That was a good thing to do," Qui-Gon assured him. "I would have wanted to escape, too. Sometimes, the best defense is knowing when to get out of a fight you cannot win. Never be ashamed of that, Obi-Wan. It takes more courage to walk away than it does to stay."

"Y-yes, sir," he stuttered, and Qui-Gon almost desperately cast his senses out. Where were Mace and Yoda?

Almost in answer to his thought, the two Masters arrived. Yoda was perched on Mace's shoulders, and both of them wore a grim expression. "Another bomb, you believe to have found?"

"I'm not sure," Qui-Gon said, but he didn't straighten, his hand still on the boy's chin. "I didn't want to run the risk of hurting him or Theela if it did turn out to be something like that."

"Wise of you," Yoda said, and slipped off of Mace's shoulders, dropping onto the bed by Obi-Wan. "Focus you must," he said, watching the boy. "Help us, if you can."

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said, and Qui-Gon was disturbed to see the tears of pain in his eyes.

"Theela, try you must, through me to heal Obi-Wan," Yoda said urgently, and the healer nodded.

"Yes, Master," she said.

Qui-Gon was forced to move, and once he was clear of the bed, Mace pulled him from the room. "What is going on?" he asked.

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I don't know. It looks like someone is trying to break him. It all points to that, but not to whom." He huffed slightly in frustration. "I would point at his former Masters, but even that doesn't seem quite right. I mean, they are guilty of abusing him, certainly, but I don't think they are necessarily the instigators." He sighed. "Does that even make sense?"

"A little," Mace said. "Do you have any ideas?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I don't even know where to start. I'm not used to being suspicious of Jedi."

Mace nodded. "Yes," he said. "I find it difficult as well." He paused. "What else is there?"

"How did we miss this?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I don't know." Mace's voice was hard. "But we will find out who's behind it."

Mace's assurance didn't ease Qui-Gon's mind. He turned back to the closed door, wondering what was going on. The Force was loud around him, but it always was in the Healer's wing, where it was in use almost constantly.

"What will happen to Obi-Wan if he is not taken as Padawan?"

Mace was silent long enough for Qui-Gon to get a little worried, and he turned to face the dark-skinned Jedi Master. The expression on the other man's face was indescribable. "I hope it does not come to that," Mace told him honestly. "But if he is not taken as Padawan within the next few months, we will likely send him to the Agri-Corps. He is thirteen."

Qui-Gon turned again to stare at the door behind which Theela and Yoda worked on Obi-Wan. He was certain that the Agri-Corps was not the best place for Obi-Wan, but with his record, it was possible that there were no Masters willing to take a chance on him.


	17. "Got Nothing to Hide no More" - Backstreet Boys, Shape of My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan's recovery

It was all Obi-Wan could do not to scream. It hurt, everything hurt, and the Healer didn't seem to be doing anything about it. "They'll just make it worse," Master Denk's voice said in his mind, echoing what Master Sorin had said, echoed in turn by Master Toman. "Not true," he murmured. "Not true."

He felt adrift, had ever since Master Jinn had removed his hand from his chin. It had felt like the only anchor in the sea of pain. He knew that somewhere, Master Yoda and Theela were doing something to heal him, but he couldn't tell the difference.

And then he could, only the pain wasn't easing like he thought it should. Instead, the pain in the knee Master Toman had twisted sharpened suddenly, and he gasped at it. "No," he moaned, but didn't want to believe what his Masters had said. They'd lied. They'd lied about everything else, this had to be a lie, too.

"I'm sorry," Theela said from a distance, and she sounded frustrated. "Master Yoda, it is as if every wound he's ever had is returning. I know that knee was healed."

"They said..." Obi-Wan gasped. "They said going to the healers would make it worse. They just wanted to make sure it would." It's not true, he told the Masters in his mind. It's not true!

There was a sudden, familiar snap in his mind, and his whole body shuddered. The pain eased. "Without me you may work," Yoda said, and it sounded like he was far away. Before Obi-Wan could think of a response, the full force of healing hit him and he descended into a painless dark.

When he woke up, he felt better. He moved his arms and legs experimentally, feeling the skin pull in places. That reminded him of what had happened, and he glanced around the room. To his relief, it was empty, but the idea of laying there and waiting for whoever had attacked him to come and get him was not one he liked. He sat up and wavered slightly as his vision swam. The door opened then, and Theela appeared in the doorway. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I feel much better," he said. "I thought I'd better get back to my duties."

"You are where you are supposed to be," she said firmly. "You are to stay here for a while longer at least. I've already informed Master Jinn and Master Windu you will not be meeting with them this afternoon."

"No!" Obi-Wan protested. "You can't do that." His voice trailed away, and his eyes dropped. "I'm sorry," he said softly. They'd never let him go with that kind of attitude, that was for sure. "How long?"

Theela didn't answer for a moment. "For the rest of today, at least. Someone will bring you lunch, and I'm pretty sure you'll be able to get dinner on your own, if you rest like you're told." Her voice was kind, understanding.

Obi-Wan immediately lay down. "May I read something?" he asked.

Theela chuckled. "Certainly, child. Anything specific?"

He paused, wondering that himself, when the idea popped into his head. "History of the Jedi Order," he said, although he wasn't exactly sure why. The Force indicated it was a good choice, so he went with it.

"Anything specific? That's a lot of information."

"No, I don't think so," he said, hesitant, but the Force didn't offer any help this time. "Anything that you think is interesting?"

Theela chuckled. "You're likely to find it dry reading, but I'll see what I can do."

She presented him with a datapad about an hour later, letting it slide from her large hand onto the table next to his bed. With one hand that covered his back, she sat him up and arranged a handful of pillows for him to lay against. When he was comfortable, she tousled his hair and left the room. As soon as she had gone, he started to read.

Bant and Garen brought lunch with them, and he set the datapad aside to catch up with them, their laughter and smiles brightening his day considerably. Garen looked somehow different to Obi-Wan's eyes, and it took him a minute to realize it was the braid he now wore. He grinned suddenly. "Bant told me you'd gotten a Master but I didn't believe her," he said.

Bant huffed slightly, but didn't correct him, and he was glad. He didn't want to explain how he'd lost all control when he'd heard.

When they'd left, he settled back into reading the histories Theela had supplied him with. The second one he read mentioned the prophecy of the Chosen One, and he felt a nudge from the Force. He began searching for more on those prophecies, only to find frustratingly little in the information Theela had given him. Marking the ones he found for further research, he continued to read. To his surprise, he was getting sleepy, and every time he blinked, it took him longer to open his eyes. He fought valiantly to keep awake, but realized after a while that he was losing the battle.

_He was watching what looked like a great lightsaber battle, although he could not see who wielded the weapons. Blue and green blades worked together against a double-bladed red. Green was suddenly extinguished, permanently, and he thought he heard a cry of anguish and despair before blue and red fought. Then the blue went out, and after a moment, green flared to life and destroyed red. He knew - somehow - that the blue blade had been reborn as green._

The datapad Obi-Wan had been reading slipped through his fingers to rest on the bed by him.

_Time passed - the scene changed. A blue blade fought a red one and was tossed aside by a lightning strike. A green blade took up the fight against the red one and was defeated but not destroyed. Not destroyed because the blue blade stormed into the battle and intercepted the blow, then blue became blue and green, blades whirling in a blaze of light. They, too, were defeated and injured gravely but not destroyed, because of the appearance of another green blade. It fought red, and red vanished as it was defeated._

Unconsciously, Obi-Wan rubbed at his left thigh, a grimace of pain on his face, then his arm fell limply at his side again. His expression eased.

_Again, time passed, if shorter than before. This time, the blue and green blades fought, battling each other almost desperately. From where the hilt of the blade would be, the green became red, slowly at first and then traveling quickly up the blade until the red glowed complete. This battle ended with red defeated and shattered, but not destroyed. And even blue was injured, though he felt no joy, no triumph at it's victory, only sadness and a wrenching grief._

"No," he whispered softly.

_There was a sense of great time passing. Red battled blue, but the blue blade had aged. So had red, although the passage of time did not tell as much on it. The blue blade shone brighter than before, if more brittle. The darkness surrounding the blades seemed darker. More complete. He hadn't noticed it before, but there had been the sense of lights, more blades like blue and green, in the distance lightening the darkness. But they were gone or way out of reach. And then the blue sacrificed itself to the red, and he heard a cry, an echo of the despair and anguish from the first battle._

Obi-Wan sighed in his sleep, settling deeper into the pillows.

_A blue blade battled a red one, quicker now, but not as well as the others. The blue blade was extinguished, yet there was not the sense of defeat or death he'd felt with the other ones, only a sense of pain and deep anguish._

_A new green battled the same red blade, and this green blade had been reborn of the defeat of the blue blade. It defeated the red one. And then the red blade became green again, changing color from where the hilt would be, before extinguishing for the last time. He was sure, although again he couldn't say why, that the red that had become green was the same green that had become red before the long time had passed._

Obi-Wan started awake. It took him a minute to realize where he was, and he sank into the pillows with a sigh.

"This is pretty heavy reading."

He started again, guilty for a reason he couldn't define, until his brain kicked in and he recognized Knight Jinn's voice. "Theela said it would be okay," he responded, surprised at how defensive he was. Belatedly, he realized there had been no condemnation in the words.

"I know," the Knight said easily, and set the datapad on the table beside the bed. "But it is heavy reading. I've read them, too, and it took me a long time." He leaned forward conspiratorially. "They kept putting me to sleep."

Obi-Wan laughed, the dream already faded from his mind. "Which were your favorites?"

Qui-Gon paused, watching him, then smiled - a real smile, the first Obi-Wan had seen - and leaned back. "I don't know that I had a favorite, but the Chosen One prophecies always drew me."

Obi-Wan nodded enthusiastically. "But I don't understand," he added, almost shyly. "How is the Force out of balance?"

Qui-Gon was silent for a moment. "That, my young friend, is a very good question. And if you feel it is important, I suggest you do some research on it. You might be surprised at what you find. I know I have been, in my own research."

"You could look, too," he said, caught up in the excitement, but Qui-Gon shook his head.

"It is your question, Obi-Wan. Perhaps it will be something only you will be able to answer." His brow furrowed. "And yet..." he murmured, but then he shook his head again and the expression eased. "How's your knee?"

Obi-Wan moved it experimentally and found there was no pain. "It's fine," he said. "It hurt..." He trailed off. "It was part of the bomb," he said. "I heard Theela say all my old injuries returned."

"Yes," Qui-Gon said seriously. "All the burns and all the injuries done to you through the Force were mapped out on your body again. Yoda saw them all." Qui-Gon gave a queer little smile. "I have never seen him so stern."

Obi-Wan's eyes widened. "What happened?"

"Your former Masters are in with the Council now, explaining their actions." He took a deep breath, almost as if he were coming to a decision. "I heard what you told your friend Bant about the Agri-corps," he started slowly. Obi-Wan's heart dropped to somewhere around his ankles. "I spoke with Bant, because I wanted to make sure I had heard right." He paused, and his eyes held Obi-Wan's. "You believe you failed your Masters?"

Obi-Wan nodded, and the movement broke his paralysis. He was grateful to be able to study the wall beyond Qui-Gon's shoulder. "Yes, sir," he said, and was glad that his voice didn't quiver. "Even if the... guilt wasn't all mine because it was in those bombs, I must have done something to make them repudiate me."

The comm unit on Qui-Gon's belt beeped, but he ignored it. "Something made them repudiate you, yes," he said evenly, "but I'm nearly certain that it was nothing you did."

Stunned, Obi-Wan could only stare. Qui-Gon stepped away from him as he took the comm from his belt, answered it and received his instructions, and replaced it. He moved back near the bed, a contemplative look on his face. "Nearly certain?" Obi-Wan whispered.

"I don't have all the information yet, Obi-Wan. I must keep my options open. But I do not believe you are to blame in this." Qui-Gon smiled the familiar half smile. "I must speak with the Council. Theela says you will return to your normal schedule tomorrow. Sleep well, and I will see you tomorrow in the training room." He was gone before Obi-Wan could form a reply.

That evening, he was indeed released. It was nice to be back in his own room again. But the Force nudged him with the memory of the dream he'd had, and so he made his way down to the archives. He hadn't been there long enough to even find a station he could work at before Jocasta Nu was in front of him.

"How may I help you, young Kenobi?" she asked, a note of warning in her voice. Obi-Wan flushed, certain he knew why. She'd threatened to bar him from the archives the next time she found him asleep, whether at one of the terminals or in the stacks.

"I... wanted to know of any records of red lightsabers in the Jedi order," he said, his own voice subdued and sounding a little more scared than he really wanted it to.

Jocasta's brow furrowed, making her look older than she was. It also eased the stern look in her eyes. "A Jedi using a red lightsaber? Why?"

"It was a dream," he admitted. "I don't remember much of it, now, but there was a red lightsaber. Or more than one, I'm not sure."

"What else?"

He shrugged. "Blue and green, but I don't think they were wielded by the same people. And they were destroyed, some of them. I couldn't see people, even, just lightsabers. I have a blue lightsaber, and Master Jinn has a green one, and most other Jedi have blue or green, too, except for Master Windu, but I've never seen a red one."

Jocasta looked more contemplative, now, and after a moment of thought, she beckoned that he follow her. Setting him up at one of the terminals, she started a search. "If it doesn't produce anything," she said, "call me and I'll try something else."

The first reference was the Sith Wars. There weren't many other references, but all of them mentioned the Sith. It was a recording of a battle near the end of the Sith Wars that he got his first look at the red lightsaber. It was the same color as he remembered from his dream. Well, then, the battles in his dream were with the Sith. That meant his dream took place some time in past, because everything he read indicated that the Sith were gone.

With a deep sigh of satisfaction, Obi-Wan started another search. This one, on the balance of the Force, brought up only the prophecies of the Chosen One. He hesitated, checked the time, and shut down the station. He'd check again later; Theela had made him promise to go to bed early. As he left, he stopped by Master Nu's desk long enough to thank her. Back in his room, he lay down. He was asleep almost immediately, and his sleep was undisturbed.


	18. "All My Hopes and Dreams are Suddenly Reality" - 98 Degrees, My Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now it all comes out

The next day started normal. Obi-Wan left the food hall, parting from Bant as she went one way for her class, and he started for the training room. He was looking forward to working with Qui-Gon again. He turned the corner and barely managed to keep from running into a tall Knight, and she regarded him with distaste. "You are Obi-Wan Kenobi," she said, and he took a second look at her, his mouth half open to apologize.

The expression of disapproval she aimed at him was familiar. It was a moment before he recognized her as the Foilani woman that had stopped at the table in the Food hall where he'd been sitting with Bant his first full day back at the Temple. "Yes, Master," he said. "I apologize for interrupting your walk." He felt uncomfortable, and longed to get out from under her gaze. He began to move around her. She grabbed his arm, pulling him around to face her.

"You will destroy us," she hissed at him, and Obi-Wan jerked back away from her, but he was unable to free himself. The Force began to swirl around them, dark and menacing, and he pulled harder, the familiar panic filling his mind again. Her grip tightened painfully, her face contorting into a snarl. "You should have remained useless. You should not be allowed to pass the trials, Obi-Wan. You will destroy the Jedi." She sounded so certain, so sure, but the darkness around them made him uneasy.

Obi-Wan continued to pull, trying to get away, eyes focused beyond her, looking for help. He could see Qui-Gon striding down the hall toward them, face set in anger, his hand on the hilt of his lightsaber. To Obi-Wan's surprise, the woman let him go then, and he stumbled away from her and went down. The next instant her lightsaber was ignited and sweeping down toward him. He managed to get his own lightsaber up to block hers, and he was actually afraid she would press them both into him. He wasn't strong enough to keep her blade off of him if she pressed it. He squirmed away when she increased the pressure on the locked blades, and tilted his lightsaber just enough so that her's slid down and gouged the floor to the left side of his face. The blades were near enough that his cheek burned from the heat. "I will make sure you do not destroy us," she hissed as she raised her lightsaber again, the Force swirling darkly around him even more, then someone hit him with a Force push and he slid down the hall away from her and away from Master Jinn. He hit something that stopped him, and he frantically deactivated his lightsaber.

Someone clasped his elbow and he glanced up to see that it was Master Windu helping him to his feet. Before he could even be surprised, the clash of blades brought his attention back to where he'd last seen the Foilani. Qui-Gon had gotten past the other Knight, positioning himself between her and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan, still off balance from standing and leaning into the support on his elbow, could not see how the battle was going. Qui-Gon's broad shoulders blocked it from his view. He had enough sense to wonder how bad this really was, that Jedi had drawn on Jedi, and in the Temple. Then Qui-Gon stepped to the side to avoid a blow, and all of those thoughts fled Obi-Wan's mind until he realized that the Foilani was trying to kill Master Jinn. She was angry, and the resultant darkening of the Force was so strong that he could feel it from where he was.

Suddenly, she blocked Qui-Gon's lightsaber, knocking it high before her blade dove in and burned his shoulder. He flinched, the material where she'd hit him darkening, but the move cost her. With one hand, Qui-Gon used the Force to knock her feet out from under her just as his blade crashed into hers. She fell. When her arm hit the floor, her lightsaber was knocked from her hand and extinguished. With an absent gesture, Qui-Gon called her lightsaber to his hand.

Obi-Wan hadn't noticed that Master Windu had kept a hand on his elbow once he'd gotten his balance, but he did now as the taller man steered him down the hall toward the fallen Jedi and the man who stood over her. "Nicely done," the Council member said.

Qui-Gon tossed the captured lightsaber to Master Windu, who clipped it on his belt next to his own as they reached the larger man. "Thanks," Qui-Gon said, and shut down his own blade as he turned his attention to Obi-Wan. "Are you alright, Padawan?"

The question made him freeze. He stared in disbelief at the larger Jedi, only to be distracted by a cry of anger from the Jedi on the floor at his feet. Her fingers brushed Obi-Wan's boot as Qui-Gon pulled him roughly away from her, and he heard Master Windu's lightsaber ignite. Stumbling forward, he barely managed not to run into the man who had called him... "S-sir?" he stuttered, confused, not so sure he'd heard correctly.

"If you'll allow it," Qui-Gon said gently, "the correct term would be Master."

The whole situation didn't seem to want to penetrate. First, he'd been so sure he'd never be chosen Padawan again. Second, that Qui-Gon, who he knew didn't want a Padawan, had chosen him... But the hope he thought he'd lost leaped into his throat suddenly, and he felt his heart pounding. "Yes," he said. "Yes, Master." Qui-Gon smiled with what Obi-Wan, had he not been so stunned, would have called relief.

"Qui-Gon," Master Windu said. "Yoda would like you and Obi-Wan to meet with him in the Council chamber now, please." He grimaced. "I was on my way to find Di'ona, and decided to stop by your training room to let you know of Yoda's summons as well."

Still reeling, Obi-Wan fell into step behind Qui-Gon, returning his lightsaber to his belt, and followed him past the downed Knight. He watched the woman warily, almost afraid that she'd try something else. "You will destroy us," she hissed again, but didn't move, probably because Master Windu's purple lightsaber rested too near her throat.

The Council chamber was not empty. In fact, it appeared that the Council was in full session, with the exception of Master Windu. Master Yoda seemed to smile at Obi-Wan before turning his attention to the three men standing to one side, watched over by Master Saesee Tiin and most of the rest of the Council, none of them in their seats except Master Yoda. Obi-Wan recognized the Knights and had to fight not to cringe under their combined glares. As it was, he slowed, hesitant to come too close to them. "Undo you must, what you have done," Yoda said, his attention on Obi-Wan's three former Masters. It was all Obi-Wan could do not to start shaking, and he gripped his sleeves in his hands to keep it from being obvious.

"It's not possible," Master Sorin said angrily.

"I will not," Master Toman said, and there was so much animosity in the glare he shot Obi-Wan that Obi-Wan reflexively recoiled and half raised one arm in defense.

Yoda hit the edge of his chair with his gimer stick; the sound caused all three to start. "Antagonize the Padawan you will not," he said severely. "Proof of Di'ona's claim have you not. Undo what you have done."

In the silence that followed, Obi-Wan let his arm fall again, but he did not move any closer to his new Master. He glanced at Qui-Gon, afraid that something his former Masters might say would change his mind, and his own hopes would be dashed again.

"It's not possible without a training bond," Master Denk said finally, and flinched as the other two glowered at him.

"Tell the boy's new Master you must, what he should do."

The three Knights started and stared at Qui-Gon. "Did you doubt he would be taken again?" Qui-Gon asked softly, stepping toward Obi-Wan. "There is nothing lazy or disobedient about Obi-Wan. He works hard and has done everything I asked of him. He is slow to trust, yes, but that is more your fault than any fault of his own. He is my Padawan, and I _will_ see him knighted." When he finished, he put a hand on Obi-Wan's right shoulder.

Obi-Wan stared up at his new Master, relieved at the weight on his shoulder. 'Nearly certain,' he'd said earlier. Did that mean he'd become completely certain it was nothing he'd done? It seemed so; Qui-Gon had asked him to be his Padawan. It still amazed him. It had been clear for as long as he could remember that the Master was not interested in taking a Padawan.

"It should have been Di'ona," Toman spat. "She would have kept him from destroying everything."

The gimer stick slapped against the chair again. "Proof you have not," Yoda said evenly.

Obi-Wan grew more and more confused. He felt that there was information he'd missed, and it was vital if he was to understand. He was also dismayed to realize that his shields had decayed again, and that everyone - including his former Masters - knew exactly how frightened he was. There was no way he was going to let any of his former Masters into his head, even if Master Yoda ordered him to, even if it meant he had to live with whatever bombs were left in his head. They would _not_ get in. They'd done enough damage.

"Master Yoda," Qui-Gon said suddenly, and he gently squeezed Obi-Wan's shoulder. "If I may?"

"Yes, Master Qui-Gon."

"My Padawan is growing more and more confused, and he is... uncomfortable in the presence of these men. It may take some time before he is comfortable enough to be around them. May he be dismissed?"

Yoda nodded slowly. "In the antechamber he may wait."

Qui-Gon turned to Obi-Wan. "It will be okay," he said. "They will not hurt you again."

Obi-Wan nodded, his mouth dry, and bowed to the remaining council members. Then he left the chamber. He was old enough not to need that kind of reassurance, but he was glad of it anyway.

As soon as the door shut, he sagged weakly against the wall. It had all happened so fast, and he wasn't even sure what exactly _had_ happened. Well, okay, he knew he'd become Padawan to Qui-Gon Jinn. He'd focus on that, and worry about the rest of it later.

Obi-Wan pushed away from the wall and sank down in one of the seats that lined both sides of the room. He figured it would take a while before Qui-Gon - his Master - came out of the Council chambers, and so he closed his eyes and meditated, working to calm the fear that still raged in him. He'd reached an acceptable state and was working on rebuilding his crumbled shields when he heard someone call his name. Working his way out of his trance, he opened his eyes to see his Master, who smiled gently at him. He stood, wavering on unsteady legs, and Qui-Gon took his arm to keep him from falling over.

"Obi-Wan. This is going to take longer than we thought. Go and pack your things, then go to housing to be reassigned to my quarters," Qui-Gon said. "I will join you there as soon as I may."

"Yes, Master," he said.

Qui-Gon let him go and turned back to the Council chambers, and as soon as he was gone, Obi-Wan left the ante-chamber and made his way, dazed, to his own room.

He didn't get there before Bant and Garen cornered him. "You didn't meet us for dinner," Bant said as she fell into step on his right side.

"My Master heard you were fighting in the hallway this afternoon," Garen said. "Bant doesn't believe it."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "I was."

Bant grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. "What?" she demanded. "Obi-Wan, if you were serious about being sent to the Agri-Corps, that's one way to get sent there!"

"Remember that Foilani woman at lunch the other day?" Obi-Wan said.

"Yeah," she said warily.

"She attacked me." He gripped his sleeves again. "Can I explain when we get to my room? I have to pack, and I might as well do that while I'm trying to explain what I don't even understand that much."

Bant's large eyes filled with tears. "You have to pack?" she asked. "Are you going away?"

He smiled slightly. "No, not really." He took her arm and pulled her into step beside him, continuing their walk. "Don't worry, Bant. It all worked out." But he shuddered.

"Are you sure?" Garen asked from his other side. "You look spooked."

"I am." And he said no more until they were in his room, the door firmly shut, and he was carefully packing his clothes. While he did, he told them what had happened.

With interruptions.

"She said you'd destroy the Jedi?" Garen demanded.

"She drew on you?" Bant said at almost the same time. Obi-Wan paused, turning to face them.

"Before either of you ask, no, I don't know why. I didn't understand what was going on in the Council room after..." He suddenly grinned. "I forgot the most important part," he said, almost shyly. "I'm Padawan again, and the Council approved."

"To whom?" Bant demanded, but Garen just smiled huge.

"He did it. My Master said he would, eventually. Qui-Gon Jinn took another Padawan."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I never thought..." he started, but whatever words he might have found were drowned out by the shouts of enthusiasm from his friends.

They remained enthusiastic, although quieter, as they accompanied him to the housing office. Bant was practically glowing, she was so happy, and Garen couldn't stop talking about how wonderful it was. They both quieted, though, when Obi-Wan stepped hesitantly into housing, pushing him in when he paused. "May I help you?" a Knight asked, appearing from another room.

"I was told to be reassigned to Master Jinn's quarters," Obi-Wan said in the voice that shook. Fear gripped him again - what if it had been a ruse? But it couldn't be; his Master said nothing he did not mean. He held onto that thought for dear life.

The Knight stared at him. "I got that message," he said, "But I know Qui-Gon and I thought..." He shook his head. "Well, then, come with me, Padawan. Leave your friends here. The doors must be keyed to you."

Obi-Wan followed him into the other room, where that particular operation was quickly completed. When he returned to the waiting room, he thanked the Knight, then hesitated. "My Master... is rather busy right now," he said. "He didn't tell me where the quarters were."

The man laughed. "Busy. I thought I heard Master Yoda in the background when he commed me. Residence level 34, apartment 47. I hope you like it, Padawan Kenobi." He winked and left the room.

Obi-Wan didn't move for a moment, but then Garen bumped him with his shoulder, giving him a knowing look, and he blushed. "I know exactly where that is," Garen said. "Come on."

They went through the hallways, Garen excitedly telling Obi-Wan and Bant - who'd heard it already - how he'd been chosen, and how different his life was now. Obi-Wan slowed as they neared the door to his new quarters, then stopped before it, taking a deep breath. Reaching forward, still afraid of a trick of some sort, he touched the pad near the door. It slid open silently.


	19. "Happy Ending Come True" - 'N Sync, I Thought She Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it ends

Garen and Bant walked in, but didn't go farther than the common room. Finally, Bant turned and pulled Obi-Wan in, and the door slid shut behind them.

The room was simple. There was a kitchenette off to one side, with a small, two-person table against the near wall by the door. Across from the door was a short hallway, and at the end on either side, Obi-Wan could see two doors. "Yours is on the left," Garen said, pointing down the hallway. "Your apartment is set up just like my Master's is."

"Thanks," Obi-Wan said faintly.

Across from the kitchenette sat a couch, looking well worn. A blanket lay neatly across the back. There were a couple of comfortable chairs facing either other in front of the couch.

"This is nice," Bant opined before the door slid open again.

Qui-Gon stepped into the room. Obi-Wan turned, suddenly unsure even how to act, and froze. "Bant, Garen," Qui-Gon said with a slight smile. "It is good to see you. Obi-Wan will meet you for breakfast in the morning," he said.

With grins, Obi-Wan's two friends said good-bye to him and bowed to Qui-Gon on their way out. Then the door was closed and they were alone. "Let's get you settled in," Qui-Gon said. "Then I believe you have some questions."

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said. The words slipped effortlessly off his tongue, and he was amazed at how easily it flowed in his thoughts, too. He had always said the words with the others, but his thoughts had seemed to hesitate.

It only took a short time before all of his belongings were unpacked from his travel bag, the bag stored away, and everything out of sight. The room almost looked as bare as before, but it felt like his. He smiled, comfortable.

They returned to the common room, and Qui-Gon stepped to the kitchenette to start some water boiling. "Do you like tea?" he asked Obi-Wan, who lifted his shoulders slightly and perched on the edge of one of the chairs at the table. He'd never tried it. "I like tea," Qui-Gon continued. "I will probably drink a lot of it. Especially after a mission."

Obi-Wan nodded vaguely, overwhelmed.

"You are probably wondering what happened," Qui-Gon went on as he sat down across the table from Obi-Wan. "Di'ona is a Foilani. This is important for a couple of reasons. The Foilani are a clairvoyant race, and when one is Force sensitive, that power is increased exponentially. She had a vision that she believed foretold the end of the Jedi. In studying the vision, she came to the conclusion that you were the catalyst that caused the destruction of the whole order." The Master paused, looking at him.

Obi-Wan stared at him, his mind spinning. He didn't even know what he could do to destroy the Jedi, and it was certainly nothing he'd want to happen. His hands clenched on the edge of the table, and he closed his eyes to try and get some semblance of control. His breathing had quickened again, and he struggled to slow it, to calm down. Finally, he took a deep breath and released as much of the fear as he could into the Force. Then he opened his eyes. Qui-Gon was watching him, and there was approval in his eyes.

"Did she say how I did that?" Obi-Wan asked.

"No. Only that she felt she would need help to stop you." Qui-Gon sighed. "Being Foilani also meant she lived longer than you or I ever will. She had this... vision some time ago, probably about the time you were born, and she watched and waited for you to appear. When you did, she recruited Sorin, Denk and Toman, asked them for help. It was very easy for her to convince them," he added in a musing tone, "because they had all been Padawan to her. They knew and trusted her visions." He paused, and his face darkened in anger. "Her plan was to have each of your Masters erode everything that you were, creating in you a lack of confidence and distrust of anyone who might help you. Then, with you injured after Toman's repudiation, she would take you as her Padawan. Remember what I told you when we first met? If you had been bonded with another Knight so soon, Theela thought it would have destroyed you. That would have been the end of her vision." He leaned back in his chair.

Obi-Wan thought his mind was spinning before. Now everything made sense, everything he'd been through, and all because she thought he'd do something? He remembered hearing something about visions coming true in one of his classes, but he couldn't grasp it all right now. They did come true, though, and he wondered almost wildly how he was going to destroy everything he believed in, and maybe she'd been right. She'd felt strongly enough to try to kill him in the Temple, and to draw on another Knight. He gasped, and anger swirled around him, everything darkening.

A hand gripped his arm. "Breath, Padawan," he heard from a distance, and drew in a breath. "Again." He let it out and breathed in again, and the swirling eased.

"But..."

"Gently, Obi-Wan." The voice was closer, and slowly his vision cleared to see Qui-Gon leaning across the table, gripping Obi-Wan's wrist in his large hand. "It's okay. She can do nothing to you, now. I destroyed her plans."

Obi-Wan breathed again, and the tension in his shoulders eased. "You destroyed her plans?" he asked faintly. Qui-Gon let him go and leaned back with a relieved sigh.

"Yes, Padawan, I found you first, when you'd disappeared after meeting with the Council with Toman." He paused again, watching Obi-Wan. "Because I found you first, Yoda asked me to continue the investigation. When I did not see you at dinner that evening, I asked for your friends and found Bant. She told me you'd collapsed."

Obi-Wan flushed. "Oh."

"When I arrived at the Healer's Wing, Theela told me what was wrong with you. And Yoda told me I was to take you from the Temple. I gathered that the investigation was put on hold; getting you back to health was much more important. So, I took you to one of my favorite hide-outs."

Obi-Wan nodded. "It is one of mine, too," he said shyly. Qui-Gon grinned.

"Good. I will introduce you to the owner." He grew serious again. "The time we spent getting you back in one piece, so to speak, was also a time for me to gather proof."

"Proof?"

"Proof that something had been done to you. Your old lightsaber was part of it. Mace nearly threw it across the room when I gave it to him." He shook his head. "It was not just that it was uncomfortable; the first time you were in a real battle, it would have made it impossible for you to defend yourself adequately. That, too, would have ended her vision very decisively."

Obi-Wan shivered, knowing exactly what his Master meant. That lightsaber he had so hated would have killed him.

"By taking you from the Temple, I frustrated her plan for a while. But then we returned. She waited for an opportunity to stop her vision. I believe she was following you, at least at first. Your schedule was predictable. She had to find a time when she could strike without being obvious." Qui-Gon settled back. "She would do nothing to you in the crèche or the Healer's Wing, because she could hurt someone else, and she was trying to protect the Jedi. The only opportunities came when you were training with me, or with the Council members. She didn't want to face them, but she knew of my movements as well, and I believe she caused me to be late the second time. When you went into the training room that day, she set off the training probes. She did not know how much you had improved. She did not expect you to last so long against the probes. I have been keeping Master Yoda up to date on everything that has occurred, and when he saw the injuries that you'd suffered through, he decided he'd had enough. He called your former Masters in, and they told him what they knew about Di'ona. He sent Mace to find her, and to warn me."

Obi-Wan stared for a moment, then collected his thoughts. "What will happen to them?"

Qui-Gon sighed. "I'm not sure," he said. "I did not wait to find out. I wanted to get the last of these bombs out of your head."

Obi-Wan straightened. "I'd like that very much, Master."

"That means, according to Denk, that we must form the training bond again, this time for real."

It took Obi-Wan off guard, but then he nodded. He was not at all certain this was going to be a good experience, but he realized then that the thought had no weight behind it. Right now, he trusted Qui-Gon Jinn. Would he be able to once the bond had been established?

There was a half familiar soft click in his mind as the training bond was established, and he was suddenly aware of his Master, more fully aware than he had been of any of the others. "I could find you in pitch dark!" he blurted, and immediately blushed.

Qui-Gon gave half a chuckle. "Knowing my propensity to get into trouble, you may just have to," he said. "But that will wait. First, let's get rid of this last trap."

To Obi-Wan's surprise, it took no time at all. He was unable to see what Qui-Gon did, but he wasn't alarmed. It came as a complete surprise, once he heard the quiet snap that had become so familiar, that he actually trusted Qui-Gon. And more of a surprise when he realized that it was his Master he trusted.

The tea pot whistled, and Qui-Gon got up to attend to his tea. "I have been given two weeks respite," he said, his back still to Obi-Wan. "In that two weeks, we will have some work to do."

"What kind of work?" Obi-Wan asked.

"That depends." He turned around, sat back down, set his mug on the table, and reached forward. Before Obi-Wan could react, he tugged gently on the braid that lay over the Padawan's shoulder.

Obi-Wan stared at him, wide-eyed, his mind racing. Was he back in a nightmare? He jerked backwards, freeing the braid, and then froze again. Qui-Gon nodded. "That, for one. But you have come a long way, haven't you."

Slowly, Obi-Wan blinked, then nodded jerkily. "Could you... Could you not do that again?" he asked in a very soft voice, keeping his eyes on the table.

Qui-Gon smiled gently. "I can't promise that," he said. "But I will try to refrain from doing so. It's a bad habit I picked up with my last Padawan." He sighed, and it sounded sad. "But there will be more to work on, I'm sure, and we'll find out what it is." He reached over and raised Obi-Wan's chin, catching his gaze. Obi-Wan read the determination there, and a small smile started on his face. "We will find out what it is, and we will defeat it together."

Obi-Wan's smile got bigger. "Yes, Master," he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and thanks especially to those who commented! Keep an eye out for the sequel, Long Road Home.


End file.
